Interview With Vicki Courtney, Author Of TeenVirtue
Actively involved with her children and a devout Christian, Vicki Courtney ministers to girls of all ages. A national speaker and best-selling author, Courtney confronts the cultural concerns facing girls and mothers today and offers a blueprint for addressing these issues. We caught up with Vicki concerning her latest book TeenVirtue: Real Issues, Real Life...A Teen Girl's Survival Guide.
You’ve written several books directed towards adult women, what brought you to write a teen-oriented book at this time in your career?
I have one book out to mothers of daughters called Your Girl: Raising a Godly Daughter in an Ungodly World and another book out to adult women, but I wrote TeenVirtue, really, as a response to feedback I was getting from moms who were reading the Your Girl book on how to help our daughters counter the culture and stay true to their faith.
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I have a ministry called Virtuous Reality and we do events across the country, I think we’re doing 15 or 16 events in 2005, and we have a website as well that is an online magazine for middle school and high school girls, and the events reach the same age demographic.
The events have been around since 2002 and the website’s been around since 2000 and we currently reach about 150, 000 teen girls a year, annually now. And the book, TeenVirtue (which looks like a magazine but is really a book, so I nicknamed it a maga-book), came as a result of just being in the trenches, ministering to pre-teen and teen girls, and hearing first hand from them what the issues are out there, and so I tackled in TeenVirtue the top 40 issues that teen girls face.
And these are issues that would come up during our events, and on VirtuousReality.com, in addition to offering articles, quizzes, things like that, we also offer an advice column where girls can anonymously submit questions and issues, things that they would like to have some answers in regard to, and just in seeing what issues were coming in over and over again, [I] compiled those and tackled those in this magazine/book format.
Why did you decide to format the book like a magazine?
My daughter (I have two sons and a daughter; my kids are 17, 15, and 12, and my daughter’s right there in the middle, she’s the 15-year-old) when I went to write the book (it was originally going to be a book) she very kindly informed me that most teen girls she knew, including herself, were not really reading these long chapter books that moms were buying them and setting on their nightstands with grand hopes of them being read.
So it really got me thinking, with these girls facing so many different issues, it would be a really easy format for girls if [the book] came out in something that was familiar and user friendly to them, which would be a magazine.
So, again, I tackled the top 40 issues, [and] they almost look like articles in a magazine, with each one being about two to three pages in length. So it’s perfect for girls, because a lot of them don’t have time to read chapters at a time, but they can read a few articles here and a few articles there. I guess I’d have to say my daughter was a primary influence in the book looking more like a magazine.
I thought it was interesting that, although you decided to format the book in a more accessible way, you used very traditional sources and translations when citing scripture, such as the Holman and the NIV. What do you think of the new translations, such as the TNIV, that use more “modern” language to reach the younger audience?
(laughs) Oh no, you’re the first one that’s asked me this question; I hoped no one would ask me! Oh gosh…first of all I would say
I try to stay clear of ever quoting, for example, the message as a Bible translation. I like the message as an accessory piece to the Bible, but not as a translation, and I’m quick to point that out to youth girls. I’m not a huge fan of the TNIV - I don’t know probably enough about it to really answer, but I know that there are some concerns, gender neutral issues…I’ve not read a whole lot on it except to know that it’s not something that I would feel comfortable using, especially in reaching teens.
I was agnostic for 21 years, and the first Bible that my grandparents ever gave me was a King James Version Bible, and when I was invited to attend a Christian conference in 1985 where I became a Christian and had my come to Jesus moment, I took that Bible on with me. My eyes were opened that weekend and I didn’t need some kind of contemporary translation to even help me decide what the words meant then, although I did move on, eventually, to an NIV translation. So
I know that those who are seeking, with the help of God, can understand the more accurate, I would say, translations out there on the market.
Although you’ve called your book, “A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide,” there are some really weighty issues that you address such as moral relativism, homosexuality, and abortion, that are at the forefront of discussion for leaders of churches and denominations today. Have you received any strong reactions or opposition so far regarding your stance, as is delineated in TeenVirtue, on these issues?
I’ve gotten a little bit of flak over my articles, “Is Gay Ok?” and “Is God Pro-Life?” It’s really hard for people when they’re interviewing me (and I’ve been interviewed by a lot of secular radio stations and made an appearance on a secular magazine/journal show that airs on the East coast), especially with the “Is God Pro-Life?” article, for anyone to really come down too hard on me, because I speak first hand as someone who has had an abortion in her past at the age of 17, and it was one of the driving forces that led me to Christ, with the guilt that I felt afterwards. I’ve received some flak, not a lot, on the “Is Gay Ok?” just mainly from secular journalists interviewing me for print articles.
What do you think was the biggest challenge that you faced in writing this?
Narrowing it down to 40 issues, because I couldn’t go over my word count. It’s sad, [because] there’s so much more out there that girls are facing, but I tried to hone in on the main things that they’re hearing today at the hands of the culture, and I have a huge burden on my heart for the fact that they’re in it day in and day out with messages of moral relativism in addition to the messages of “be sexy,” “look a certain way,” “guys only like you if you’re this size or if you do these things.”
So there were so many different angles that you could almost take one category (I had it broken down into seven sections in the maga-book) and make an entire book out of it, each one is so important.
But again, I was trying to, if anything, give an overview of the most important issues, that, again, I hear time and time again. Girls [have come] to me many times in tears after the fact, sometimes before the fact, dealing with a lot of the issues that are mentioned in the book.
But I have just signed on with my publisher to do future issues and so there’ll be at least three more TeenVirtues coming out every nine to 12 months and so I’ll get an opportunity to cover some more issues out there.
In your “I Give My Mom an E” article, you said that moms are, “completely out of touch,” with the teenage world. How did you overcome that obstacle?
In 1998, the first event that I held when I was called into the ministry –I had felt at the time that God was calling me back to the college years where everything took a positive turn in my life- was an event for college women. I did another one in 1999 and over a thousand girls came.
And that was really kind of my initiation, not into the youth culture, but into the, say, post-youth culture, and hearing first hand from college women say, “I just wish someone had told me these things sooner, if there would have been an event when I was in middle school or high school…” and so I began to see that what I was doing there in the late 90’s was somewhat of a recovery effort when it came to college women, and that’s where I began to pray and ask God, if He saw fit, to use me in some capacity to go down a notch to the younger girls as maybe a preventative measure.
When I started the ministry for college women my own daughter was 10 years old, and I was in shock, I really was just to know that the [Christian] college girls were experiencing the same things that other girls were, and here I was this hopeful Christian parent thinking that my good Christian kids would be exempt from these things.
So I decided really that day that I could either stand on the sidelines and watch the culture take the hands of our sons and daughters and lead them through life, or I could get in there and fight and give it everything that I’ve got. And so, with the blessing of the Lord, this is where it’s come today, and I’m thankful for that.
At times it is very difficult to know what is going on in the culture with all the issues that the teens are facing out there, how it’s almost impossible to remain pure online with everything that bombards them. So it’s tough, and sometimes I wish I didn’t know everything that I do.
What would you say to those teens that are facing the issues that you address in TeenVirtue but are skeptical of Christianity?
I would say, give it a chance. When I wrote this, I tried to keep in mind that, when I was a teenager, I was the very person that you just described, that might have been skeptical. In fact, in my early years at the University of Texas, prior to becoming a Christian, I argued with Christians on campus, [and] loved nothing more than a good debate with especially a Baptist, and felt like organized religion was a crutch for weak people.
So I can relate to, at some level, what a lot of these teen girls might be thinking and feeling, but I also know that they live in a world that is issues related, and so I’m hoping that, if anything, [the book] will pique their curiosity to open it up and see the table of contents and see that it addresses sexual abuse, dangerous types of dating, types of guys to avoid, eating disorders, girl politics- these are things that are universal [and] that are going to appeal to any girl out there, any average girl who’s come in contact with it, whether it be directly or indirectly through a friend.
I’m actually getting some great feedback from Christian girls saying that they’ve been waiting for something that they can hand off to a friend that’s seeking and have not felt comfortable with a lot of what’s out there on the market. My daughter has given it to quite a few of her friends who are not Christians, and they’ve been really positive about it and even come back to her and had questions.
Out of all the issues that you address, what do you think are the most important?
Love that question, thank you for asking. I would have to pick two. I would choose, “Why Are We Here In This Great Big World?” and “Get A Life, Just Make Sure It’s Eternal,” reason being that those two articles sum up the Gospel, the Good News.
I think we all wonder what our purpose in life is, and even a lot of Christians out there are still struggling to define that, and it’s only through properly embracing the Good News and responding to that that we can understand. I’ve covered the issued from a Biblical perspective, from God’s point of view by going back to Scripture, and it’s not going to make a whole lot of sense to someone unless they’re willing to get it right with God from deep down inside and see it from His perspective, and desire to see it that way.
Would you say that the struggle that teens go through with the two issues you just mentioned are an underlying source for all of the other, more outward struggles that they face?
I do. Again, I go back to myself, and how argumentative I was and resistant to the Christian faith. But the fact is that after 21 years of buying into the world, the lies, the culture, the message that anything goes, I was left searching, and empty, and looking for something that was lasting, and only Jesus Christ could provide that in my life, and I’ve never looked back.
I think most every person out there deep down inside, it they’re willing to get honest with themselves, is looking for something permanent like that, a brand of love that is so unconditional that it just can’t be refused.
And it’s up to us as Christians to make sure that we properly represent God’s love so that it’s attractive to others, while at the same time not be afraid to have the boldness to let people know that there are some standards in place out there.
How do you monitor your own children’s entertainment?
Well my kids tell me that we’re the strictest parents in the United States, so that’s a good start. We don’t, for example, let our 15 or our 12-year-old see PG-13 movies, our 12-year-old at all, but my daughter doesn’t get to see them unless we have checked it out on Screenit.com and looked it over to see, so we make exceptions occasionally there.
As far as the Internet goes, we have two programs on every computer in our house; I think Safe Eyes is the program that was recently ranked number one in PC Magazine. It shuts them off the computer at midnight, from midnight to six; you hear the old saying that nothing good happens after midnight, we believe that in our home, and that’s true for the Internet. It filters websites in 35 different categories and we choose out of those categories which ones we ban, everything from mention of alcohol, to profanity to pornography. Anything like that, chat rooms, free e-mail accounts, that sort of thing.
Every now and then we bypass it if they can give us good cause for believing that it’s an ok site, and we check it out. We do have cable, but we block MTV and most of the channels that are like that. We also have rules, like when they go to a friend’s house they stay off IM and the Internet.
We just believe that’s not good creative fun; if you go to someone’s house the last thing you need to be doing is sitting side by side at a computer doing online games and such. So we have a lot of boundaries in place, but our kids really are not resentful of that. If anything, we’ve been very careful to explain the why behind our rules, the fall out that can happen. [There are] kids that we know of that are addicted to porn; my son has friends already [who are addicted] at the age of 17.
So we’re reality based parents; if we see a commercial on TV, if the agenda was there, [if it’s] sex sells, whether it’s a Carl’s Jr. ad or whatever it is, we take advantage of teachable moments. We don’t shelter them from everything, but we’re very quick to explain the why behind our rules and our boundaries. And we want to bring them to a place too where they can monitor themselves. Eventually, in a year, my son will go off for college, and mom and dad won’t be there to filter everything they’re doing.
Have you found anything in today’s Christian culture, be it on TV, the Internet, or in music, that you are in support of?
You know, I have not really looked into that, I’m ashamed to say. And if anyone sent information my way I would love to evaluate it, especially before my next book comes out to mothers of sons, to include anything in there that would be good. But I’m not really familiar what’s available out there, especially in regards to television. Of course we all saw the Passion of the Christ, and things like that that tend to cross over.
Do you find any of today’s Christian artists to be good role models?
I’m sure some of them are, but one of the frustrating things that I’m seeing with teen culture, with the girls I hear from at our events (and again, the majority of them are your girls that are attending church every Sunday, and are for the most part, fairly committed Christian girls), I’m not hearing that they follow a lot of the Christian groups. They seem to really be into, I don’t know what you call them, grassroots bands and such that are secular, and that’s somewhat disturbing to me.
I had to point out to my son -I went to a website where I picked up the lyrics of Green Day, and once I showed him the lyrics and what it meant and that sort of thing, he decided he didn’t want to support that kind of music or purchase it any longer. But the whole ordeal has been somewhat frustrating to me.
I’m not sure what it’s all about; I listen to some [CCM] and I think there’s a lot of quality out there but for some reason our Christian kids today, a lot of them that I talk to, are not embracing contemporary Christian music. Not like when I was in college, those years that I was a Christian, where most of the Christian kids that I began to hang out were listening to Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith and contemporary Christian music, [and] that’s all we listened to.
Where can we buy Teen Virtue?
I am told that it is in your local Christian bookstores, and at places like Borders. Some Barnes & Nobles are carrying it, some Wal Mart stores, but Amazon.com is always a safe bet, it can always be found there. And if you’re searching for it, it’s Teenvirtue, one word; I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails form people who are going onto Amazon and it won’t come up.
Can you tell us a little bit about your next couple books?
Again I just signed a deal to do three more Teenvirtues, and one of them will actually be a Preteenvirtue, which will be geared to girls 8 to 12. So many of our younger girls are encouraged to grow up so fast, and I stand against that, but one of the ways that we can hopefully [fight that] is to offer them something that’s contemporary where they feel like they’re looking at something grown up in a magazine format that’s on their level.
Of course it wont cover more sensitive topics that they’re not ready to hear about, I wouldn’t want to rob their innocence, rob them of any innocence that’s left at this point, but it will cover things that are safe like girl politics, wavering emotions, family relationships, and that sort of thing, so I’m very excited about that.
And then I’m working on a book right now that’ll come out in early spring of 2006 and it’s the counterpart to my very first book that was written to mothers of daughters and this one is Your Boy: Raising a Godly Son in an Ungodly World, and it will focus on the mother/son relationship and how moms can encourage their sons to counter the culture.
Are you thinking about doing a male version of Teenvirtue? Do you think that you might want to collaborate with someone on that project?
I would love to collaborate with someone else. I do not feel personally qualified; I think it needs to be a male role model that is putting something out there for our guys. But I do think its something that is very much needed and I’m not sure if a magazine format is a way that you reach guys, or how you do that, but I would love to see someone pick up the torch there and take that one on. Especially because of the fact that I have two sons.
For more information about TeenVirtue and Vicki Courtney, please visit www.teenvirtue.com and www.vickicourtney.com.
