5 keys to successfully manage kids during the holidays
The holiday season is often a time for family visits, meal sharing, and in some families, the exchanging of gifts. Many can attest to personally feeling increased joy and high spirits during this season. However, evidence also supports this is a time of unique stress not typically experienced during other times of the year.
One Greenland Quinlan Rosner research study[1] also demonstrates that common holiday stressors include the battling of increased human traffic, the burden of preparing large meals for many people, and the additional worries about money often associated with holiday consumerism. For those of us with children, we also feel the burden of ensuring our children’s needs are met while at the same time ensuring our efforts as parents remain consistent regarding their behavior.
To help our parenting remain consistent despite the increased expectations on both parents and children during the holiday season, here are five keys to managing our children’s behavior in addition to the increased expectations assumed by us as we prepare a joyous time for our families:
1.Preparation. Because of the “busyness” that accompanies the holidays, our attention to our children’s behaviors can be distracted. Even more, we battle a lack of energy to handle child misbehavior due to our increased responsibilities. This is where preparation will come in handy. Before going to visit other homes, clearly outline common area expectations with your child. Perhaps you clarify ahead of time what etiquette is expected, explain varied cultural expectations, or revisit how the grandparents may have to share time with all grandchildren. Preparing our children ahead of time will limit those moments where we “freak out” because our children aren’t acting the way we expect.
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2. Organization. This might be assumed, but with the frenzied environments that pull us in multiple directions, being organized and helping our children organize their belongings can calm unneeded stressors that arise when our children aren’t expected to operate according to a plan.
3.Expectations. Some might equate this with “preparation,” and perhaps setting expectations is part of preparing our children, but the focus of this point is that expectations have to be the same for all of our children. Yes, subtle changes may be appropriate based on maturity level but remain consistent for your children’s sake. For example, an expectation may be that our children greet family upon arriving at their home. A greeting will certainly look different for a four-year-old than it will a teenager, but the expectation is that children greet people in a courteous manner. And remember, all expectations have to be determined by what will cause them to achieve. We want our children to grow every season.
4. Procedures/routines. Anyone who has had a child has likely experienced their struggle to follow bedtime protocol when they aren’t expected to go to school the next morning. If getting your child to bed at a certain hour is needed to help you complete your day, the routine for children needs to be discussed as part of your expectations. Furthermore, if you establish routines for yourself, don’t make the mistake of skipping them for any number of reasons. This only adds more stress during a time when obligations are already increased.
5. Presence. Even if you, as a parent, feel like you are “tapped out,” showing that can increase your child’s stress. If you feel the financial crunch like most lower- and middle-class families do, you probably don’t want your stress to negatively increase your child’s stress. Both you and your children need the opportunity to enjoy the holiday despite challenges. If you need to discuss stressors, do it with your spouse or another trusted adult. Laying an extra burden of worry on a child can often do more harm than good because their immature minds aren’t yet capable of processing such information appropriately. Be intentional, even when you may not feel like you have control. Your children need the stability of knowing their parents “got this.”
In summary, stress during the holiday season is a real battle most of us fight for various reasons. No matter what time of the year we are parenting, we still want to raise our children to be successful adults. Part of being successful includes managing increased stressors that come at unique times. By modeling good stress management and implementing these five keys during the Holidays, you will better manage your stress. And, by doing so, it will go a long way in providing the stability a child needs to enjoy the “most wonderful time of the year.”
Happy holidays!
[1] https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2006/12/holiday-stress.pdf
Dr. Robert Anthony is a cancer-survivor, secondary administrator, author, speaker, and advocate for wise living. He is the author of Finite Obstacles ~ Infinite Truth. He adds value to others’ lives by teaching people how to overcome challenges, how to lead with grace and accountability, and by advocating for wise choices based on truth. Learn more at www.DrRobAnthony.com and www.linkedin.com/in/dr-rob-anthony/.
