How the Church has screwed up forgiveness (book review)

The contemporary Evangelical church has gotten forgiveness all wrong, replaced biblically anchored forgiveness with a distorted version of it, and is warping perceptions about who God is and thus distorting the message of the Gospel, claims author Teasi Cannon. 

While she's not the first to make this argument, Cannon, an author and podcaster, offers a fresh analysis on this theme in her new book, Counterfeit Forgiveness: How a Modern Myth Betrays Victims, Protects Abusers, and Corrupts the Gospel. Simply put, the modern myth is that forgiveness is one-sided, that Christians must unilaterally forgive those who wronged them, even if the offender is unrepentant.

For true biblical forgiveness to take place, certain conditions established by Scripture must be met. Clinging to a counterfeit myth carries enormous implications for the Church and for the Gospel, particularly when it comes to ministering to wounded people, especially those who’ve been wounded in the Church.

Counterfeit Forgiveness releases on Aug. 28. This Q&A has been lightly edited for clarity. 

CP: Forgiveness is a big deal for Christians. How did this concept, in your view, become so screwed up? Where and how did some come to believe that forgiveness had to be given even if the offender wasn't grieved by what he or she did?

Cannon: It’s definitely a big deal because God commands it, and that’s exactly why our definition matters. I believe the problem began when Christians stopped asking how God Himself defines forgiveness and gradually began reading other ideas back into the biblical text.

In Scripture, forgiveness addresses a very specific problem: the moral debt created by sin that ruptures relationship. God loves sinners and freely offers forgiveness, but free doesn’t mean automatic. His gift is received through repentance and faith. Repentance doesn’t earn forgiveness: it’s how the gracious gift is received. Then Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13 tell Christians to follow God’s pattern.

Historically, that shift didn’t happen overnight or because of one person. Over time, Western culture increasingly turned inward, making personal fulfillment and psychological well-being the central concerns, and 20th-century therapeutic culture gave those ideas enormous influence.

Lewis B. Smedes became one of the most influential Christian popularizers of this new framework through Forgive and Forget and related writings, presenting forgiveness primarily as something the wounded person does internally to become free from the past, whether or not the offender repents.

Once forgiveness became something I do inside myself for my own healing, repentance and accountability, the offender and even reconciliation could become optional. Many of us inherited that definition without ever stopping to ask where it came from.

CP: We’re approaching the one-year anniversary of the assassination of Charlie Kirk. Many people were moved to see his widow, Erika Kirk, publicly forgive the man accused of murdering her husband. By your definition, this wasn’t biblical because the alleged killer has not repented. Do you still think God used that moment to point to Christian forgiveness?

Cannon: What the world witnessed in that heartbreaking moment was an extraordinary display of underserved grace, and I would never want to diminish the courage or mercy Erika Kirk demonstrated. In a culture increasingly marked by retaliation, she refused vengeance and answered horrific evil with love. I absolutely believe God can use that kind of witness. I also don’t want to turn the words of a grieving widow into a theological test she had to pass perfectly.

Where I would differ is simply in the biblical category I would use to describe what she demonstrated. Scripture shows us how to respond to unrepentant offenders: love our enemies, pray for those who persecute us, relinquish personal vengeance, desire their repentance and ultimate good, and remain willing and ready to forgive.

I would call that a profoundly forgiving spirit — an obedient willingness to forgive — rather than a completed act of biblical forgiveness. Forgiveness is free, but a free gift still has to be received. Repentance doesn’t purchase forgiveness; it receives it. That clarity allows us to appreciate the beautiful grace Erika displayed without losing concern for the offender’s need to repent and be reconciled to God.

CP: How do you think this distorted teaching and definition of forgiveness has affected the advance of God’s Kingdom, the furtherance of the Gospel? Why does this matter so much?

Cannon: What I call “counterfeit forgiveness” fails everyone involved: the wounded, the offender, and ultimately the Church.

When forgiveness becomes something the victim is expected to complete alone, the moral spotlight can shift away from the person who sinned and onto the person who was harmed: Have you forgiven yet? Why are you still talking about this? Why can’t you move on? Meanwhile, an offender might be told he’s forgiven without ever having to face what he’s done, repent, make restitution where possible, or demonstrate meaningful change. That becomes especially dangerous when the offender is a beloved or powerful church leader.

But the deepest problem is that it can distort the Gospel we’re supposed to represent. The Gospel doesn’t say everyone is forgiven whether they repent or not (that would be a form of universalism) or that sin becomes irrelevant once the wounded person achieves emotional peace. It says sin is real, grace is freely offered, repentance matters, forgiveness is relational and reconciliation with God is possible because of Jesus.

When churches rush toward image repair, premature restoration, or the silencing of uncomfortable truth, the watching world sees the contradiction. The Church’s witness isn’t destroyed by the discovery that sinners are inside it. We already preach that we’re sinners. Our witness is damaged when we refuse to deal truthfully with sin once it’s exposed.

CP: You have a very public testimony of spiritual abuse by your former pastor. How did this hit home for you personally when you were navigating the mistreatment that you and your family experienced?

Cannon: That’s exactly where this became painfully personal for me. The original mistreatment was gut-wrenching, but what added to the pain was watching what happened when we tried to bring our concerns and pain transparently to our former pastor.

We were hoping for an opportunity to walk in truth and leave with greater honestly and deeper relationship. What we ultimately experienced was denial, deflection, double standards and little meaningful accountability.

Eventually, we felt we had no choice but to leave a church we had loved and served for more than two decades. After we were gone, I was repeatedly told some version of “just forgive him and move on,” and when I continued seeking truth and sharing resources that were helping me understand what had happened, I was portrayed as divisive and spiritually dangerous.

Those experiences have shown me why definitions matter so much. If forgiveness is something the wounded person can complete privately, everyone else can declare the problem spiritually resolved without the person who caused the harm ever naming the sin, repenting, repairing what can be repaired, or submitting to accountability. “Just forgive” can sound remarkably gracious while placing the final moral burden on the person who has already been wounded. What I needed wasn’t permission to hate anyone or seek revenge. I need the church to value truth, repentance, justice, protection and genuine reconciliation.

CP: On the Cross, Jesus said: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Some Christians thus think this, too, is how they must pattern their attitudes toward forgiveness, extending it to those who don't know what they're doing or how they have wronged someone. What’s your response to that?

Cannon:Luke 23:34 records a prayer, not a pronouncement: “Father, forgive them.” That’s an important distinction. Jesus had already commanded His followers to “pray for those who abuse you” in Luke 6:28, and from the cross He embodied His own command under circumstances more horrific than most of us can imagine. He didn’t look down and announce, “I hereby forgive all of you whether you repent or not.” He interceded for His enemies, asking His Father for the greatest good they could possibly receive: forgiveness and reconciliation with God. That is an unbelievably breathtaking example of loving your enemies.

And Luke’s own larger narrative makes the connection even clearer. Jesus explicitly taught in Luke 17:3-4, “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.” Then in Acts 3, Peter speaks to people implicated in Jesus’ death and says, “I know that you acted in ignorance, as did also your rulers.”

What does he say next? Not, “Therefore, you were already forgiven.” He says, “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out” (Acts 3:17-19). Jesus’ prayer from the cross reveals extraordinary mercy, intercession, and love for His enemies. I don’t believe it teaches a second type of forgiveness that bypasses repentance.

CP: One thing I’ve heard about the necessity of forgiveness is that forgiving releases us from bitterness. Do you agree?

Cannon: I absolutely agree with the goal; I disagree with the definition. Christians are commanded to put away bitterness, and God cares deeply about setting wounded people free from hatred, vengeance and bondage to the past.

But Scripture doesn’t define forgiveness as the psychological mechanism by which we accomplish that. Instead, it gives us many commands for what to do when someone remains unrepentant: pray for our enemies, relinquish personal vengeance, pursue peace where possible, tell the truth, entrust justice to God and guard our own hearts.

Forgiving a repentant person may certainly be part of our healing, and I would never deny the genuine relief someone might experience through what they’ve called “forgiveness.” But our healing can’t be held hostage by another’s repentance, and that’s one reason these distinctions matter.

God gives wounded people a path toward freedom even when repentance never comes, through lament, truth, prayer, wise boundaries, community, justice, surrender, sanctification and His own tender care. He’s the God who “heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). Forgiveness addresses moral debt; God has given us many other means through which He heals the wounded heart.

For more on this author, her book and podcast, check out TeasiCannon.com.