5 Christian Men Talk Candidly About 'Distasteful' Women, Submissive Wives and Why Sex Is So Important
Michael Jr., Anthony Evans, Carlos Whittaker, Jerry Shirer and MIchael Boggs on What Women Need to Know
Whittaker said that for him, it was a matter of being appreciated and acknowledged for who he is by his wife. He said, "I really want to be known, and I think my ego is more about Carlos wanting to be known by who I think I am or who Christ has created me to be."
He added, "I think there is something in that, and as human beings I think that's OK. We just want to be known."
The conversation soon turned to the topic of women being independent and submitting to their husbands.
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"My wife does honor me, but she's very smart too," said Shirer's husband, Jerry. "I have seen her — and I know that this is a taboo word for women or whatever — I have seen her submit, but in her submitting [it] makes me want to give her more."
Shirer noted that women who sent in questions for her guests asked about issues related to leadership in the home.
"Because there are a whole lot of women having to take the reins in their own homes to do devotions with the family, or take care of the finances because their husband is just — not living recklessly, he's just not managing it, or leading the home in terms of vision and direction for the family," she said, finally asking: "What makes it difficult for a guy to lead his home?"
Shirer's husband brought up the punishment God put on Adam and Eve for their disobedience in Genesis 3.
"It says she's gonna desire her husband," he explained of the verses regarding Eve, suggesting that the Hebrew term used in the passage does not speak of desire in the traditional sense, but of dominance.
"It says 'desire,' she's gonna 'desire her husband.' As men we think, 'Yeah, she's gonna want me.' But that word 'desire' isn't that. It is 'I want to control you.' … That same word 'desire' is used with Cain and Abel. It is that control thing."
"I think the thing that we have to, or I know for a woman what she has to do is submit to that, and I think that's what's so hard a lot of times," he said.
Michael Jr. suggested that it was more pressure for a man when a woman chooses to submit, "because now I gotta be on point with this."
"When you submit to me, that means I need to be right, and that's a lot of pressure," he said, adding, "If it does not work out, it was still my choice, you still need to have my back."
Whittaker said he does not believe that "leading" necessarily means that the man is in charge of the finances.
"I know in my home, I can't add. My wife is really good at it. She remembers to pay bills, I don't. There's a gift-set that she's got that I don't have," he said.
The men agreed that "submission doesn't mean control," as Jerry Shirer put it, and that in reality both husbands and wives choose to submit in various areas of their marriage.
Sex and Intimacy
On the subject of sex, Shirer asked, "What do women need to know about the importance of sex in your life? Cause we don't get it, so we need to know why it's so important to you, and what we need to know about it."
The men's responses ranged from "it's fun" to "it feels great."
Shirer, however, pressed for a "good answer" since the issue was raised in many questions she received from viewers.
"Is it a bit of a challenge thing, and you feel this sense of accomplishment?" she asked.
Michael Jr. agreed that "it needs to be a challenge," while Whittaker commented on how sexuality is portrayed in popular culture.
"We live in such a sexualized society, right? It's so touchy," said Whittaker. "You can't drive down Highway 65 without seeing billboards … You can't get on Facebook without seeing things. So I know that women feel like, 'Wow, I can't live up to that.' So what I am feeling the pressure to do is make my wife feel more beautiful than the images she's seeing me see. So it starts getting really complicated really fast."
In regard to how they view intimacy in relation to sex, Boggs, married eight years, shared, "I think for me, there's a little bit of that chase through the day and intimacy is expressed in different ways. Sex is one of those, but it's not always necessarily for me [that] it takes that expression to communicate intimacy. Sex does that, and it's enjoyable and it's great. It's not the only way."
Evans shared his perspective on "the importance of sex to a single, Christian male."
"As a Christian male, the way we were raised, I consider it to be something sacred and something I want to experience with my wife. And if I'm with a girl who does not consider it to be that, it's a deal-breaker to me if she pushes that envelope. If she knows how sacred it is to me, knows how guys are wired, and tries to trick ... tries to spark the wire thinking that …"
Evans suggested that some women, including Christians, think they can use sex to a secure a man.
The men went on to share the importance of having a regular sex life and how neglecting that area in a marriage can make a husband vulnerable to temptations to be unfaithful.
Before closing out the show, Shirer asked her guests to share what they felt women needed to know about "satisfying, pleasing, fulfilling a man."
"How can a woman who's watching make sure her man is fulfilled? What makes you feel most fulfilled, emotionally, physically, otherwise, whatever? What makes you feel most fulfilled?"
Boggs stated that it is when his wife "believes in me more than I believe in myself."
Evans indicated that he shared Boggs's sentiment.
Michael Jr. shared that it is when he takes risks that might not appear to make any sense and his wife says, "OK, if this is what you want to do. I'm completely behind you."
For Whittaker, it is "knowing that I'm trusted and knowing that I'm known."
Jerry Shirer, who noted his wife's spontaneous personality, said that he felt most fulfilled when she is patient in allowing him to process things and make decisions at his own pace.
Watch part one and part two of "What Men Wished Women Knew" at http://thechatwithpriscilla.com.
