5 Things I Learned From Watching '50 Shades Darker'
I went to see 50 Shades Darker with Jeanette last night in Hollywood.
Two years ago I wrote this blog post.
I was even asked to do a sermon at Daybreak Church about the movie for their AT THE MOVIES SERIES. You can watch that HERE.
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We went to the 10pm show and the first thing that stood out to me was the theater was filled with 90% women. I am not talking women with their husbands or boyfriends. I am talking women out with their girlfriends like they were about to watch Magic Mike or Bridesmaids.
Odd.
The person in front of me buying a ticket was a woman, maybe 30 years old by herself at 10pm on a Thursday night.
I had this mindset that the movie was going to attract a bunch of dudes, but I realized that women read the books and women are the ones pouring in to see the movies. That part scares me a bit.
Just a bit.
Back to my story ...
The previews rolled. Three of them:
Beauty and The Beast
Baywatch
Girls Trip
Disney's new Beauty and The Beast before Fifty Shades of Grey? Seems odd.
Not if you just read what I wrote about who is watching these Shades of Grey movies. Girls Trip looks to be one of the raunchiest previews I have seen in a long time.
Now to the movie.
The movie starts out with Christian Grey trying to get Anastasia Steele back. They come to terms with a deal:
No Rules
No Punishment
No Secrets
Throughout the movie, I wrote down one-liners that stood out to me either from Christian or Anastasia. It was dark in the theater, so don't get mad at me if I didn't get the quote exactly how it was said, but I am pretty dang close on most of these:
(A) It's all wrong, all of it is wrong.
(A) It's not a relationship. It's ownership.
(A) Don't crowd me; I need space.
(A) Take me to the red room.
(A) It means the world to me when you open up to me.
(A) Thank you for telling me.
(A) You forbidding it is not us talking about it.
(C) I don't like strangers gawking at you.
(C) I get off on punishing women who look like my mom.
(C) My arrival into the world isn't something I feel like celebrating.
In this second movie, you still have a very broken, confused Christian Grey who wants what he lost in the first movie.
Anastasia knows she should not go back to him but can't refuse. The old saying, "Men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love," sums up this movie. Anastasia's refusal for crazy dark sex in the first movie is flipped around in this movie several times when she pushes Christian to even darker sex.
The movie is really slow.
There are some other story lines, but for the most part, you see two very dysfunctional people in a dysfunctional relationship that ends with a proposal, engagement ring, and a YES.
You may think that is great and you are cheering them on ... right?
Well, maybe the ladies in front of me were. But for Jeanette and I who have been married now almost 19 years and watched so many of our friend's divorce, we couldn't cheer this couple.
What did I learn from 50 Shades Darker?
Here are five things:
1. Sex doesn't solve problems.
In this movie, Anastasia asks a lot of questions and gets very few answers from Christian about his past, his secrets, and his emotions.
He avoids and dodges a lot of point blank questions from Anastasia. Instead of conversation and communication between the two, you see they avoid them and jump in bed together.
WRONG.
Never happens like this in real life.
Those men who are married for 19 years (or any amount of time for that matter) can relate to what I am saying.
If you and your wife are in a fight and it's not even a big one, wouldn't it be great just to have sex and then make up the next day?
Sex isn't a band-aid and in this movie you only see them having sex instead of communicating. Anastasia engages in crazier sex than she is typically comfortable with in hopes that Christian will open up more, but he never does.
Don't think that passion and sex can be enough to withstand a broken relationship. It is temporary and that band-aid is going to be ripped off because sex is not going to solve your problems; often it is going to create more of them.
2. One-sided relationships won't work.
Do you have that friend that always needs something from you?
Do you have that friend that always talks to you, but never listens to what you say?
Do you have that person that you always have to pay for?
Do you date that person who could care less about your kids, but you've invested in their kids?
There has to be give-and-take. If it is not 50/50, it has to be pretty close for a good relationship to work.
This relationship with Anastasia and Christian is tough to watch because it is one-sided.
The quote I mentioned above from Anastasia sums this up. "It means the world to me when you open up to me."
Christian thinks he is comprising and trying to give into her requests by taking away some of his rules and allowing her to get closer to him. Ultimately he doesn't know how to open up and communicate and show any emotions and that is why this doesn't work.
If your spouse or the person you are dating is not willing to comprise, give in, let their guard down, meet you half way, do something you enjoy – you are in trouble, just like Christian and Anastasia.
3. Relationships require hard work.
Christian works hard at winning Anastasia back in this movie, but I wish he would work hard on diving into his past, his issues, and his pain.
I tell couples that are thinking about marriage that marriage is hard work. No one talked to me about that when I was growing up and dating. I don't like even how this movie ends with the two of them getting engaged, one might leave the theater happy for them, but I didn't.
Neither one of them are willing to do the hard work that marriage is going to take.
Instead, they settle for band-aids on all their wounds. As a result, their many scars will never heal and their relationship won't make it.
Neither one of them are willing to do the hard work that marriage is going to take.
Instead, they settle for band-aids on all their wounds. As a result, their many scars will never heal and their relationship won't make it.
Your relationship won't work if you both are not willing to do the hard work that marriage requires.
