A Humorous Look Back at 2013

By Ron Hart, Op-Ed Contributor Tuesday, December 31, 2013

It was the year of lies that finally revealed the true Obama. His ObamaCare sales pitch, "If you like your insurance, you can keep your insurance, period" - a lie. Saying before the election that the Benghazi disaster was caused by a YouTube video - a lie. Claiming that the NSA is not collecting our Internet and phone records - a lie. And denying that the Obama administration's IRS was targeting Tea Party groups for special scrutiny - a lie.

Yet there is also humor in a look back at 2013:

1. Obama denied knowing anything about all the scandals. The hardest part of his lying was making folks believe Joe Biden was the mastermind behind the deceptions.
2. Joe Biden, who looks like a guy hosting a seminar on condo flipping, was sent to Asia on a goodwill trip this year. Well, that was what he thought. He was actually sent out to get lunch at Panda Express for three days in a row. Biden has done more to dispel the notion of white supremacy than any politician before him.
3. Obama wanted to invade Syria but could not get any allies to go along with him. England wanted to use economic sanctions and Germany an embargo. France wanted to use arrogant sarcasm.
4. After stopping the U.S. invasion of Syria through his diplomacy, Russian President Vladimir Putin was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. I like his chances. If his game plan holds true to form, Putin plans to have all the other nominees killed.
5. Gay marriage is now legal in 17 states; voters were swayed by that Liberace movie. Gays are on the way up and that also helps explain all the new brunch places opening for business.
6. The royal baby was born last summer and was formally welcomed by Great Britain with a ceremonial 21-gun salute. There is one thing we know for sure: babies love loud, repetitive gunfire. Buckingham Palace did not reveal the baby's gender until early summer. That went so well they are thinking about revealing Camilla's next summer.
7. Auburn's Gus Malzahn out-coached Alabama's Nick Saban to win the SEC championship. Coach Malzahn is so loved by male Auburn football fans that it makes Duck Dynasty's patriarch, Phil Robertson, uncomfortable.
8. The NFL had issues early in the year. More than 25 players were arrested, culminating in the Patriots' Aaron Hernandez being charged with murder. Football players are always looking to break records; sadly, it looks like they are trying to break O.J. Simpson's.
9. After a Baltimore Ravens game, police arrested a stripper who pinned a patron's coat jacket in her car door and dragged him for five blocks. This was voted the worst lap dance in Maryland history.
10. Concussion issues still plague the NFL. Dolphins' linemen Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin had a career-ending hazing drama. The only positive thing about that is neither will remember it in five years.
11. Hillary Clinton dodged testifying on her role in Benghazi by saying she fell and hit her head. Her staff jokingly gave her a helmet upon her return to work, marking the second Clinton in Washington whom others insisted wear protection.
12. I like Mayor Rob Ford for two reasons: he is funny and I don't live in Toronto. Obama's favorability rating fell to 37% while Ford's climbed to 50 percent. The only conclusion? Obama would have been better off smoking crack than pushing ObamaCare. It takes a flawed leader to sink that badly in the polls when neither drugs nor hookers are involved.
13. Edward Snowden helped Americans realize what the NSA is doing to us. He fled to Russia for asylum, which is like going to Ireland to get sober. It turns out our own government is our creepy stalker. Stalking is when a couple goes out together for a fun night on the town and only one of them is aware of it.
14. Our government, which cannot get a website working, can somehow collect personal emails and texts from all of us. These are the same folks who allowed a murderous, psychotic, impostor sign language interpreter a foot from our President. The schizophrenic guy said he heard voices in his head; apparently, one of them told him he does not know sign language.
15. Catholics elected an open-minded and very popular Pope. He has reached out to young people in a new way for the church, one that is not followed by a confidential court settlement.
16. While the Pope pivoted progressive, parts of the GOP continue striving to ban gay marriage, enforce sodomy laws and outlaw abortion - because, as we know, Republicans' goal is to get intrusive government out of our personal lives.

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