Allison Bottke on 'Setting Boundaries': 'Being In Control is Not the Same as Being Controlling'
Allison Bottke is the best-selling author of the "Setting Boundaries" series. Her latest, "Setting Boundaries For Women" focuses exclusively on the relationships women have with their families, friends, and co-workers.
Why did you choose to focus on women in this latest book?
God was really calling me to interpret His word and look at why we Christians do not set control or limits on our lives. Why is it okay to be out of control? We've confused having control with being controlling. That was really a weight that God was laying on my heart. God gives us so many journeys-what do we take from them?
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Sometimes we get caught up in making bad choices and we jump on the gerbil wheel… either we're finding that women are getting so burnt out (spiritually, physically, financially) and we have to stop that "keeping on, keeping on" and learn what we need to change.
What's one step that every woman could take today to set a much-needed boundary?
The "S" step – the Stop step. We have to stop ignoring our own personal issues or the call that God has put on our heart to guard our heart. We have to stop ignoring ourselves and get off that gerbil wheel. You're not going to stop or change anything unless you finally stop. Get into the Bible, what does God say about our responsibilities? Are we truly responsible for all of these things that are on our calendars? Stop the craziness… and start praying. God will tell us and convict us what the next step may be.
When I stopped long enough, God laid it on my heart that I had to free myself from the guilt I felt as a mother. I know I made a lot of mistakes, but the choices that he was making were his own decisions. I had to love him with firmness. Until I stopped and really looked at things, I didn't realize that. We have to ask God to search our hearts and convict us of what we need to do.
Why did you start your "Setting Boundaries" series?
I have this ministry because I have the challenge with boundaries and God is still working with me. It started with just one book, "Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children." I was a "queen enabler" and got into my Bible and learned that God wanted me to say "No" and taught me how to do so. I felt God telling me to stop doing the behavior that was enabling him rather than trying to get my son to stop doing the behavior he was doing. By the time I was finished, I had the acronym "SANITY."
Writing is how I process the world. I shared my story with Harvest House, and they were very supportive of it. It was actually my first best seller and my 23rd book; I meant for it to be a stand-alone book but more and more people continued to contact me with information and stories about their own experiences. One thing led to another, and I just began writing about all these various areas of our lives. And each book is a testimony of my own walk.
To learn more about "Setting Boundaries For Women" and Allison Bottke, click here.
