Christian Singles Can Experience Intimacy Without Having Sex, Says Christian Author
Singles can experience intimate satisfaction even though they are not engaging in sex, which God designed to be within the context of marriage, says Christian author Hafeez Baoku.
Baoku, author of "Sex, God, and the Single Life," explains that singles oftentimes wrestle with the idea of sex only to end up frustrated because they focus on what they do not have instead of placing their efforts on fulfilling other aspects of their lives.
"Singleness shouldn't be a waiting period for superman, it's about enjoying your life, God and relationships with others. We should focus on establishing our careers, traveling, or pursing other things. There's so much more to experience than thinking 'ok I'm not going to have sex,'" Baoku told The Christian Post.
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His new book, "Sex, God, and the Single Life," explains how individuals should begin to build the framework for sex in a God-honoring way while they are still single by understanding God's true purpose for sex.
He notes that sex is not about fulfilling selfish desires but about serving, sacrificing individual needs and helping the other person get closer to God.
"God gave us sex to serve not to abuse but a lot of times in our society, sex is an object to exploit an individual and that same mindset oftentimes transitions into marriage from your single life," said Baoku. "Satisfaction from sex comes when you understand that it's also meant to push somebody towards God and your relationship just grows as a result."
Although he suggests singles should wait until marriage to have sex, Baoku says people should not focus on abstaining from it.
"I believe celibacy and abstinence derive from bad framework because when you think about that, it's all about what you're not doing," said Baoku. "Obviously God gave us restrictions but my focus is on following God and not so much on 'don't do.' If you constantly think about not having sex, your mind will eventually give a reason to actually do it."
However, he is realistic and notes that abstinence is difficult. He said he knows firsthand the difficulties that come along with remaining celibate since he has struggled with it following years of being sexually active and addicted to pornography.
He notes that when singles engage in "selfish sex" their acts portray their disregard for God's plan for their life and it shows that they do not trust Him or care about His purpose for sex.
Baoku also explained that while Christian singles should abstain, they should not try to experiment in testing their boundaries by engaging in sexual acts aside from intercourse.
"The issue with that, is that your heart is still the same; you still don't understand what sex really is and what it's for because you're thinking you can do all these things, except penetration, but you're forgetting that even that is considered sex … it's like trying to get close to the fire without getting burned," said Baoku.
He added, "the question shouldn't be, 'how far can we go,' it should be, 'how can I love and serve him or her and how can I continue to deny myself and not think about our needs but our relationship with God?'"
In addition to his book, Baoku writes about faith, sex, and relationships for The Urban Gospel Mission, where he is the editorial director. Baoku currently resides in Dallas, Texas.
