Don't Let the Erosion of Neglect Ruin Your Relationships

By Jackelyn Viera Iloff, Voices Contributor Sunday, March 25, 2018

Have you ever watched a sand castle get washed away by the tide?

It doesn't collapse all at once, the incoming tide slowly eats at the structure until it melts away back into the rising tides lapping waves.

Relationships that become neglected suffer the same kind of fate.

While we go about our daily lives our friends, children, spouse, and family slowly get neglected when we become overwhelmed with duties responsibilities and activities that become more important than our loved ones.

Ask yourself if these statements are true and see if your castle is in imminent danger of collapsing?

You can't focus on the moment
You were too tired and exhausted
You get irritated easily by disruptions
You feel nothing is going right no matter how much you accomplish
You can't find the time to take off on holiday
Nothing is satisfying you
You don't ask for help when feeling overwhelmed
You skip meals or eat on the run
You miss important family dates, like birthdays, anniversaries little league or dance events
You're always on the phone email or text no matter where you are
You haven't spent quality time with friends or family in months

If you answered yes to more than four then you may want to take a step back and look at your important relationships and see where you can do better!

Most of us buy into the notion that being busy is necessary in order to compete and succeed in today's world.

But when things are out of balance the structure starts to fail and instead of pursuing success we end up feeding the busyness monster.

We can become so wrapped up in all the things we need to do that there are times when we are so busy that many aspects of our life suffer and we become oblivious to the ruin it's causing. Sometimes, it happens so subtly that we don't realize what's happening until it's too late: a broken marriage, strained relationships with our children, alienated friends and family, physical health issues, anxiety attacks, sleepless nights.

So how do you fix this situation?

First take a hard look at the projects you are working on and get rid of that which doesn't serve you or causes you to waste time.

Prioritizing and delegating tasks is key to getting control. Which has the shortest deadline? Which one is a pet project that may never take off, which one has the most promise of developing something major? Which can be set aside for another time, which one can be handed off to another person? Sort your stacks into must do, can wait, file cabinet and circular files. Then organize each stack for the weekly and monthly due dates. Now see how many projects get done and give yourself a high five for getting it done. Then realize you have to set a reasonable time to get home. You can come in early but you must go home on time!

Set aside appointments on your calendar to spend time with loved ones, and don't ditch the date if work comes up. Unless it's an emergency, the work can wait and you can handle it during working hours.

Let your mind and body rest, meditate, garden, cook, golf, or play a pick up game. Work out stress by exercising. Reward yourself with time spent enjoying what and whom you love.

Engaging in your relationship is a primary factor in shoring up a marriage, friendship, or family relation. You must articulate and demonstrate your love and affections for those you cherish. Everyone has their own love language and you need to understand what that is for your spouse, especially.

According to most relationship experts, how you maintain a healthy relationship doesn't need to be long winding, complex process. These basic things we discussed in this article are things you can do if the relationship feels stagnant, if the good times are becoming few and far between, if arguing is your go to form of communication, or if you just feel that you need to refresh your friendships, your marriage and your family interactions. Taking time to do the right thing by your family and friends will pay dividends for a lifetime. Taking time to be present and engaging with loved ones will keep your castle high and dry and on good footing.

Psalms 119:64 The earth, O LORD, is full of your steadfast love; teach me your statutes!

1 Corinthians 13 (ESV)

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Jackelyn Viera Iloff is a senior advisor and minister at Joel Osteen Ministries/Lakewood Church. She oversees the office of special projects and is responsible for envisioning and directing the outreach initiative Generation Hope Project, which focuses on community service and ministry around the country. She has an extensive background in public affairs, marketing, and economic development. She often speaks to church groups on networking, women's leadership, and entrepreneurship. She, her husband, and two daughters reside in Houston, Texas.