Handling Hurt: Moving Beyond Pain

By Gladys Famoriyo, Christian Post Guest Columnist Thursday, May 14, 2009

If there is one thing you can expect to experience, it is being hurt by others. This hurt can come from trusted friends, family, spouses, children or even church folk. But regardless of its origin, one this is for sure - it hurts! Why? Because you are human. Moreover, you probably did not expect it. And so, you find it hard to move on.

The truth of the matter is that many of us find it difficult to move on because we don't deal with our hurts effectively. When this happens, it has a detrimental effect on us. It can affect the way we relate to God and others. It can affect our attitudes, beliefs and behaviours. It can also affect our wellbeing.

And so, to move beyond your pain, I believe the first step is to accept the fact that you are hurt. The truth is that many of us never get past this first step, for many reasons, such as denial ("I'm not hurt"), guilt ("I shouldn't be feeling this way, I'm a Christian"), shock, anger and rejection ("I can't believe they did that to me"). Ultimately, until you accept the facts, you will become stuck in a loop. By the way, it is NOT a sin to feel hurt! What becomes sin is our fleshy reactions e.g. bitterness, malice, unforgiveness, resentment, etc. Even God recognised that we will be hurt and that's why there are scriptures referring to the 'broken' or the 'wounded' heart. The Bible also tells us of the times God was hurt by the antics of His beloved people and so was Jesus. So you are not alone!

Secondly, get others involved. The first Person ought to be God. It is amazing how we bring to God our mountain-like requests but omit the seemingly little ones which end up having an adverse impact on us. So, tell God about it (as if He does not already know!). For healing takes place when we bring our feelings before Him. In His presence, you will get comfort, clarity, and direction from a loving Father. God also places people in our lives to comfort us (2 Corinthians 1:3-5). So, find godly, supportive, wise and trustworthy people to speak to. Notice all the criteria? The person(s) you confide in must fit the bill! Let God order your steps on this matter.

Thirdly, take action. This depends on the issue at hand. However part of your action plan will include forgiveness i.e. releasing the person(s) from your heart. This has to be a conscious effort on your part. And the truth of the matter is it may take time, depending on the cause of your hurt. The trap many of us fall into is simply saying "I forgive you" from our heads whilst this has not registered in our hearts. You can tell this is the case when you see the person(s) who hurt you and something happens on the inside of you. Let's put it this way, you are not blessing them! Therefore, I truly believe that moving beyond our hurt is a process that God takes us through. And all He desires of us is to be willing to lay ourselves on His operating table so He can perform surgery on our damaged hearts. For only He can reach into the recess of our hearts and heal us from within. Then and only then, would you be able to move past the pain of your yesterdays and yesteryears.

So if you have been hurt of late, why not adopt these three steps so you can be free for good? I pray that God, through the Comforter (i.e. The Holy Spirit), ministers to your heart. May He make your heart smile again.