Heart Attack on a Bun

By Lane Palmer, Christian Post Guest Columnist Monday, October 23, 2006

Have you heard about the latest development in extreeeme food items? Of course we already have drinks from convenience stores that are available in containers that would hold a small pond or lake…but wait- there’s more! Now you can cruise over from the 7-11 with your 40+ ounce Slurpee to Burger King and add a little extra to your day with something they aptly named the Quad Stacker!

Quad Stacker (kwod stakker) -
– noun Informal.
Four beef patties. Four slices of cheese. Sauce of unknown origin. 8 slices of bacon…whoa.

Yep…Burger King not only has the freakiest mascot on the planet, it also has the biggest in-your-face-I-hear-cows-protesting sandwich on earth as well. So I present to you, courtesy of the David Letterman show, the Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Ordering The Burger King Quad Stacker

10. "Are my papers in order?"
9. "Can I get it supersized?"
8. "Will I have time to run 298 miles to burn off the calories?"
7. "Could this have anything to do with why the rest of the world hates us?"
6. "Should I talk to my doctor about Lipitor?"
5. "Can I get it on a low-carb bun?"
4. "How come there isn't any sausage on this bad boy?"
3. "Why is Burger King making me sign a release form?"
2. "Should I wait til they come out with the 'Quint Stacker'?"
1. "Do I have my cardiologist on speed dial?"

Exactly, because folks who put enough of those Quad Stackers down will also need to put in an order for a Quad bypass at their local hospital.

So as I read about this potentially hazardous humungous hamburger of hamburgers, I began to think about what sort of things are out there that are potentially hazardous to our spiritual health. Y’know, like what is our culture serving up that could be clogging to the arteries of our soul? Well, probably many things, but I think one of the worse is the misinformation and disinformation going around about the God-Man who split the calendar and split the grave to prove who He said He is.

Jesus Christ.

So I present to you, courtesy of my way-too-much-free-time brain, the Top Ten Myths about Jesus Christ (wait- there’s more! I have the basic responses underneath each one!)

10. Jesus never really existed

We have literally thousands of copies of four exceptionally reliable historical documents (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) that testify His very real existence, plus sources outside of the Bible refer to Jesus as well.

9. Jesus’ story is just a combination of a bunch of people’s stories woven together

Again, if the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) are reliable and accurate, then they all point to the fact that Jesus was a real historical figure, not a “greatest hits” from other folks in His day.

8. Jesus never did miracles

People who claim this are ignoring a huge amount of the New Testament which outlines very specifically the 35 miracles Jesus performed. Remember, these miracles are written about by eye-witnesses. As well, His ability to draw large crowds was oftentimes the direct result of His ability to do things that (humanly speaking) were impossible. In other words: no miracles, no crowds…so how do you explain the crowds without miracles?

7. Jesus was just a good teacher

“Good teachers” don’t go around claiming to be God Himself and the only way to heaven when in fact they really aren’t. We call those people liars and/or lunatics, which is what I would call Jesus if the resurrection facts didn’t back up His claims.

6. Jesus never claimed to be God

Again, He did. A lot. So much in fact that the religious leaders of His day accused Him of blasphemy (the crime of claiming to be God) and tried to kill Him for it. Read about it here.

5. Jesus isn’t the only way to heaven

Not according to Him. He said this in John 14:6- "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Not according to His disciples either. They said this about Jesus in Acts 4:12- “Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

4. Jesus didn’t come back from the dead

If He didn’t, where’s the body? What about the 500 witnesses? What about the disciples who died because they believed He did? What about…what about…want more? Sure- click here

3. Jesus was mostly just a nice guy

Sure, there were times when He was ‘nice’, but if that’s your whole picture of Christ, you need a bigger screen. He wasn’t crucified for being ‘nice’. He was killed because He claimed to be God and the only way to heaven…a revolutionary idea that still rubs people the wrong way.

2. Jesus never claimed He would come back

Actually He did. Several times. Click here for more info.

1. Jesus only talked about love and forgiveness, never about hell and judgment
Again, actually He did. More than several times. In fact, Jesus talked about hell (or some form of it) three times more than heaven. Click here for more info.

So the next time you place an order in our culture for a quad stacker of music, movies, media, and mind-numbing surfing…remember the 10 greasy cheesy myths about Jesus that are sure to clog your spiritual arteries and cause a faith attack. Believe me, you’re better off ordering a dose of healthy truth about the Way, the Truth, and the Life from the Book He wrote!

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Lane Palmer is the Youth Ministries Specialist for Dare 2 Share Ministries in Arvada, Colo., where he works with to provide resources for youth leaders and students. Dare 2 Share exists to energize and equip teens to know, live, share and own their faith in Jesus. For more information on Dare 2 Share Ministries or the GameDay youth conference tour, please visit www.dare2share.org. Send feedback to lane@dare2share.org.