Hillary Clinton's Says She'll Find Aliens at Area 51 If Elected President

By Ligonberry Fields, BuzzVine Contributor Thursday, January 07, 2016

United States Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., appears as a guest on 'The Tonight Show with Jay Leno' at the NBC studios in Burbank, California, August 4, 2003, as host Jay Leno shows her a tabloid newspaper article about her appearance with a UFO alien. — United States Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., appears as a guest on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" at the NBC studios in Burbank, California, August 4, 2003, as host Jay Leno shows her a tabloid newspaper article about her appearance with a UFO alien. | (Photo: Reuters/Fred Prouser)

Members of the United States' extraterrestrial community are usually silent when it comes to political races, lest they be misinterpreted as wanting to conquer the world.

However, recent remarks by Democratic presidential hopeful and assumed future president Hillary Clinton has caused much dissension among residential alien lifeforms.

Recently, Clinton declared "I'm going to get to the bottom of" Area 51 UFO claims, adding, "I think we may have been (visited already). We don't know for sure."

While some aliens felt that Clinton was showing her appeal to their unconfirmed community, others including Kaalat Xorgbosit were skeptical.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton speaks about the Global Health Initiative at the Johns Hopkins University School of Advanced International Studies in Washington, August 16, 2010. | (Photo: Reuters/Kevin Lamarque)

Gov't 'Disappears' Thousands for Revealing Ending to Star Wars Episode VII
Scientists Searching for 'Hillary Clinton Accomplishment' Particle
Who Is This Unidentified Man Standing Next to Hillary?
Hillary Clinton Suspends Campaign to Find Missing Pantsuit

A recent immigrant from Alpha Centauri, Xorgbosit lost track of several family members when their intergalactic cruiser crashed in New Mexico last century.

The Roswell Daily Record's report of the incident. | (Roswell Daily Record)

"I think she's just saying that to pander," commented Xorgbosit, feeling that the fate of his missing cousins will "remain stuck at that base forever."

"I mean, while in office her husband denied that we even existed. That hurt a lot. I do not expect much different from her as I would expect from any other past presidential administration."

Cerfexpolis475636, a fusion-bio-cyborg from the Outer Rim who once took a photo of Voyager when it went past his hometown, was of a similar cerebral composition.

Speaking telepathically through a human being attached to him by cybernetic tentacles, Cerfexpolis475636 thought Hillary was only trying to curry votes.

"She. Is. Not getting. My vote," it said through a stoic human voice. "I am. Supporting. Rand Son of Ron. Stand With Rand. Stand With Rand. Stand With Rand. Over."

While oftentimes overlooked at the national level, the alien community has been integral for certain local elections in New Mexico, Arizona, New York, Mississippi, and of course, Washington D.C.

Generally low in voter turnout, the last time aliens took to the polls in large numbers was the 2000 presidential election as many tried to get one of their own in the White House.

"That election really disillusioned me," said Chameli Giryb, a Nebulan who proceeded to wipe a couple tears emanating from her five eyes.

"We were so close to getting someone who would fight for us. And his rendition of my home planet's anthem dance the Macarena? Unforgettable."

While largely ambivalent on the other candidates, many have expressed some interest in fellow alien Sen. Ted Cruz.

WARNING: THE ARTICLE ABOVE IS A WORK OF SATIRE. PLEASE SHARE RESPONSIBLY.