How Much Physical Contact Is Acceptable For Christians Who Are Dating?
Single Christians who are looking for a lifetime partner have a great opportunity to see how hands-on God can be when it comes to their lives. But while the period of dating and getting to know a person from the opposite sex can be very exciting, enjoyable, and beautiful, it can also be a dangerous time.
And for that purpose I'd like to talk about how much physical contact should dating Christian couples have. My answer? As much as it depends on you, as much as possible, none.
Why none?
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I'm sure many will react to what I just said. "Why can't we touch each other?" some would ask. "We're not going to do anything wrong."
To those who have no intention of treating their fiancé or future spouse wrongly, I commend you and challenge you to keep your hands to yourself. While there's nothing wrong in cordially shaking hands and patting someone on the back, generally there's a danger in having physical contact with a person you are attracted to, especially if you aren't careful with your motives.
Consider how temptation forms in our hearts and minds:
"But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed." (James 1:14)
James tells us that we are tempted by the very things that we desire. For sure, dating couples are attracted to each other, meaning there's a desire for each other. When this desire is not kept in check, temptation might form.
Now let's take a look at how a seemingly innocent touch can turn into a problem:
"Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death." (James 1:15)
Following James' principle on how an innocent desire transforms into temptation and then sin, we can conclude that a little "innocent" and "well-meaning" touch can be an open door for sin to enter. A little touch that feels good will want more, and if not kept to a minimum, might turn into something regrettable.
Guard your heart
Knowing this might happen to anybody, God gives us various warnings and instructions in the Bible.
First, we are to guard our heart:
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." (Proverbs 4:23 NLT)
Second, we have a very high standard of purity to live up to:
"You have heard that it was said by the ancients, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28)
Third, we are to aggressively fight against lust (and sin in general):
"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)
"And if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away. For it is profitable that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29-30)
Don't get ahead of yourself
Friends, I urge you to stay on the safe side of purity. You're not married yet, only dating, and so must learn to reserve the most intimate expressions of love for your spouse. Don't give away what you should keep for your future partner, even if it's as simple as your touch.
While the choice is yours to make, I hope that you'd choose to let physical expressions of love stay asleep until it's time to wake them up.
"...Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires." (Song of Solomon 2:7 NIV)
