How to Discover Your Marriage's Specific Purpose
In previous articles, we shared that couples who live for a greater purpose — together — thrive and provided 3 Universal Truths to ensure your marriage purpose builds on sturdy foundations. The question remaining then, is how. How does a couple begin to discover their specific marriage purpose?
In Two Are Better than One we provide the full process to that discovery, but a great place to begin is simply by asking: What do you want for your marriage? No, seriously: What do you really want for your marriage? In your most perfect vision, what does your marriage relationship look like?
If you're like most people, answering that question may take a few minutes, which we encourage you to do. After all, our best answers often bury themselves beneath more familiar answers that are concerned with what others expect from or desire for our marriage. In other words, we are not asking what your parents, kids, or pastor wants for your marriage; we're not asking what do you want to want or what you know you should want for your marriage; we're not even talking about what you feel obligated to provide for your marriage. We're simply asking, as a couple, what do you really want for your marriage? When's the last time you intentionally set aside time to dream together as a couple?
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In the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey writes, "Begin with the end in mind. Envision what you want in the future so that you know concretely what to make a reality."
When asked, most couples say they want to live full-on for God's purpose — they want to begin with the end in mind. But more often than not, they find themselves stuck wondering, "How do we know if our vision aligns with God's vision?" They hold back from embracing their dream out of a fear it may not be spiritual enough.
Isn't it easy to allow the fear of missing God's purpose or mistaking it with our own to keep us from dreaming? Isn't it easy, amidst life's difficulties, to forget God is for us and that He desires good things for our life? From the time we're little we're taught that God's "ways are higher than our ways, and that His thoughts are higher than our thoughts," and, though that's absolutely true, we often forget to balance that truth with other Scriptures that remind us:
1. The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead now lives in us, so we can rest knowing that God's Spirit will empower and guide our thoughts to align with His.
2. He will put His Spirit in us to teach us in the way we should go. We can take comfort that His Spirit will correct us and convict us if we get off track.
3. We possess the mind of Christ, and when we seek Him first in all things He gives us the desires of our heart — our very passions, when surrendered to our Creator, actually come from Him. Those passions and the dream you already envision for your marriage reveals His purpose.
Envisioning our ideal marriage and God's purpose for it fuels us to become all He intended for us to be. Just as you exercise to strengthen your physical muscles, you can condition your thoughts to align with God's thoughts — the One whose thoughts are higher than your own, the One who sees His promise in its fulfillment.
In Psalm 139, David writes, "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
God in His infinite omnipotence sees our life from beginning to end. Unbound by time, space, or circumstances, God makes His plans known for our life. Thus, seeking Him and submitting our thoughts to Him through prayer is essential. Begin to envision the life God desires for you as a couple. Take time to dream together building on the framework of found in our previous articles of making God known, bringing God pleasure, and demonstrating God's unconditional love and ask one another what do we really want for our marriage?
Our friend Ed DeCosta, a renowned executive coach, shares the following exercise. Imagine being handed a DVD, and the label on the DVD reads "Highlights of Your Life" with a date marked five years from today.
So, five years from now, what does your marriage look like? What do you and your spouse do? If you have kids, what are they doing? Where do you live? What kind of income do you enjoy? How do you serve together? How do you honor one another? Use your imagination and think forward.
For the purpose of discovering your marriage vision, describe your future together by describing what's on your marriage DVD.
If you'd like to unpack the full process of discovering your specific marriage purpose visit GormanLeadership.com.
