One Birthmother's Choice
Editor's Note: An op-ed by Richard Land, executive editor at the The Christian Post, on adoption as a choice in a crisis pregnancy, has produced a flood of comments, two subsequent letters to the editor, which can be read here and here, and elicited many moving personal stories. Here is one such story, provided by Joi Wasall, teen pregnancy counselor, from Christine Baxter, a married woman who decided to give up her baby for adoption after getting pregnant as a high school senior. The story, offered unedited, is intended to shed a personal light on the difficult choices moms make on a subject where no answer seems completely right, yet the grace of God abounds.
Two little pink lines on December 26th, Merry Christmas everyone. I'm a senior in high school and pregnant. My boyfriend and I immediately decided to parent the child. We were going to get married and be parents. . . Fast forward 2 weeks, we had broken up and I was back at home with my grandparents. What now? I know that I don't believe in abortion so we can eliminate that option. What else? My mom got pregnant with my oldest brother when she was 18 . . . 5 years and 3 kids later she and my dad were divorce and my brothers and I were being raised by my grandparents. So having actually walked in the shoes of a CHILD born before my parents were ready, I knew that was not the life I wanted for my child. So I ruled out parenting and was left with adoption.
One of the hardest parts of choosing adoption was the lack of education in the community – at my school, my local CPC, among my friends and family, and even at my church. People in general didn't understand that I was choosing adoption not because I didn't love my child, but because I loved him so much I couldn't bear the thought of forcing him into the same broken home lifestyle that I had. NO!! My child deserved to have more. He deserved a mommy and a daddy! Parents that loved each other and believed in the grace of Jesus Christ and could teach my child to have the same love and respect for God.
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The hurtful words came from every angle when I announced my decision to choose adoption. "How could you give up your baby? No one will ever love him as much as you because you're his REAL mom," questioned a teacher at my high school. "Even though you have helped for the last 5 years we will not need you this year at VBS, we do not want the children and parents to see you . . . like this," remarked a church member. "Why don't you want you baby, Christine?" came rolling in from my friends and even my brothers.
I cried hours every day at the thought of having to let go of the baby growing in my belly. I was heartbroken at the prospect of never being called mommy by him; devastated by the idea that I would not be there to see his first steps or to place a band-aid on his boo boos. But every tear I cried was that much more proof that my love for him was strong enough to allow me to do the right thing for him. 1 Kings tells us of a mother who loved her child so much that she would rather see him raised by someone else than to see harm come to him. King Solomon's judgment was that only a mother's love could be that strong. I wanted to be that woman; I wanted to put my child's wellbeing above my own. I needed to have his life saved no matter the cost to me personally.
I wanted my child to have everything that I didn't have as a child without all the pain of feeling rejected by both parents. Through much prayer and counseling God showed me that adoption was not only a win for the baby, but it was also going to benefit the adoptive parents and me. They get to have a baby and I get to continue my life. I am proud to say that today I not only have an amazing open relationship with my birth son and his parents, but I have a wonderful husband, a promising career and an all-around pretty great life. If adoption was God's plan to give Jesus an earthly father then adoption is definitely good enough for my child and me. And who can ignore that as a gentile, I am not the "nature born" child of God. It is only through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ the I was ADOPTED into His family.
