Pastor Bo Stern Helping Others Grieving During Christmas While Husband Is Dying; Talks New Book
Pastor Bo Stern is dealing with knowing that this will be her husband's last Christmas with his family since he has only been given a few months to live.
Still, Stern,49, has found joy in the holiday season and is making it her mission to help others do so in her latest book When Holidays Hurt, Finding Hidden Hope Amidst Pain and Loss. In 2011, Stern learned that her husband Steve was diagnosed with terminal amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS).
Since then, the holidays have been anything but easy for Stern and her four children. This Christmas is no different since Stern recently learned that her husband has been given a life expectancy of two months.
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"My husband has just been put on hospice last week and given about two months to live. So we know that this is probably our last season together," Stern revealed to The Christian Post. "We've tried to make rich decisions, but more than that we've tried to have intentional conversation. That's been really important for us this season."
Stern, a teaching pastor at Westside Church in Bend, Oregon, has been keeping a "joy in hospice" journal to help her get through the tough time. She admitted that dealing with her husband's impending death during the Christmas season is a strange ordeal. However, she is focused on finding joy in the situation.
"I just thought, 'if we could find joy in this than we can find joy in anything.' That's been really good for us to challenge us," she told CP. "This has been a really hard season. There's going to be some hard days, but what can we find in this day worth celebrating?"
It is this mindset that has enabled Stern to write When Holidays Hurt. She hopes it can be a tool that some can pass along to grief stricken loved ones when people may not have the right words needed to help them.
Stern is not focused on whether her book makes it on any best sellers list, but instead wants to get an important message out to the masses.
"Jesus came together and said 'blessed are those who mourn,' not 'cursed are those who mourn.' Blessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted (reference Matthew 5:4)," Stern told CP. "When we can understand that joy and sorrow can mingle together and just because I feel sorrow doesn't mean I'm eliminated from all joy and vice versa, I think that's a really healthy place to live."
While it may seem Stern has it all together, she insists that dealing with her husband's ALS and the impact on her family for four years has not been easy.
"I think initially, as you could imagine, it was a real gut punch and I felt like I was reeling for several months. I was just kind of reeling from the shock of everything and doing a lot of literally face-on-the-floor-in-my-carpet crying out to God and asking for hope and answers," she told CP. "We wondered how would this work out, financially and with our children. So we started to see how faithful God's character is and it began to make me a lot more confident when I would say to someone, 'you can trust Him.'"
Stern said she has felt a renewed sense of credibility and gained a new understanding of how God works in painful situations.
"He takes flawless care of people who love Him. It doesn't not hurt, it's still probably going to hurt," she told CP. "But He is still there in it. He's going to take care of you."
Still, writing a personal account of her pain to help others came with its fair share of challenges.
"There's been times where we kind of questioned whether we should open this up to a watching world. We're at a very large church in a very small town so a lot of people know us," Stern told CP. "It's hard to know how much to expose to people and it's hard to know how much to say about how Steve is doing, how much he would want people to know. So I usually run things by him first if I worry that I said something that he wouldn't want the whole world to know as he walks this very difficult and personal journey."
Stern hopes her and her husband's story will bring people closer to Jesus Christ, as she has grown spiritually since learning about Steve's ALS.
"I have loved God for most of my life but I've never needed Him like I need Him now. So seeing how He comes into the darkest places and brings light, hope, provision and the things we need, it's really been a beautiful friendship with God throughout these whole last four years," Stern said. "I wouldn't trade where I'm at with God now for anything. If we could eliminate illness from our story, we'd probably do it, but the things that we've learned are so valuable and so important that I wouldn't ever want to give them up."
While everybody has a different story, many people deal with their own issues during a Christmas season that the world advertises as a joyful time. However, Stern wants people to know they are not alone and that it is important to make sure people cling to their loved ones if they are going through a tough time.
"We hear about people who don't love the holidays and we hear about skyrocketing suicide rates during the holidays. But until we've really been there, been in the situation where it's just so hard to feel the joy of the season when everyone around us seems so happy and we feel almost disqualified from Christmas, you don't understand," Stern told CP. "I think it's just important that we look at that honestly and say 'you're not crazy if you don't feel what everyone else is feeling.' But you still belong in Christmas, there's still something here for you."
Stern's latest book, When Holidays Hurt, Finding Hidden Hope Amidst Pain and Loss is available on Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. For more information about the pastor and author, please visit bostern.com.
