Sadie Robertson Huff on overcoming her exposure to porn: ‘Freedom on the other side’
Christian reality star Sadie Robertson Huff of "Duck Dynasty" fame detailed in a recent podcast that she overcame porn exposure as a teenager, encouraging viewers that there is freedom on the other side of confession.
In the Wednesday episode of her "Whoa That's Good" podcast, Huff was joined by a digital influencer, author and podcaster Jeanine Amapola. Both women shared how they were unintentionally exposed to pornography during their teenage years and how they overcame that exposure through confession and accountability.
"I've never actually shared this part of my story in this detail. … I'm on Twitter one day, not seeking this out at all, didn't type in anything. It was straight up a porn ad, and it was extremely graphic and intense. And instead of continuing to scroll, I clicked on it. And it was kind of a toxic cycle in just a day," Huff said.
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"I didn't even know what the word masturbation meant," she added. "I remember being at a camp in middle school, people coming and getting forgiveness for that. I didn't even know what that was. So here I am in high school, accidentally and doing something I don't even really know what it is, and then just feeling like an incredible wave of shame from that moment on and knowing that I cannot tell anybody about this kind of thing."
She said she was "able to stop that" and did not become addicted.
"But even not becoming addicted, I lived with so much shame from even just that experience and then hid it for so long," she continued. "I remember telling [my husband] Christian about that at one point whenever we were married and feeling so much freedom because he was so honest with his story always. He helped so many people through that."
Robertson Huff said she was afraid of what her husband's reaction was going to be.
"He was like, 'Man, I feel I can relate to you so much more now to know that you are human, too,'" she recalled. "That was part of our past sin but something we have been free of from the blood of Jesus."
She said she kept it hidden for long because she was fearful of what others might think, such as "that's gross" or "girls don't do this."
"But that was such a naive thought because actually, a ton of girls struggle with this," she continued, telling her female listeners, "There is freedom for you on the other side of confession and accountability and having people and things help you come out of that."
"Don't stay in that forever," she urged. "That is not a way to live a happy and healthy life. It's not a way to live a full life. It's not a way to live a life of freedom."
For Amapola, she said her exposure to porn happened when she was at a hotel in high school.
"In high school, I was actually exposed to pornography at a very young age. It was not something I sought out. I was at a hotel with my childhood best friend and my two sisters, and we're just casually flipping through the channels, and full on pornography was on the TV," Amapola shared.
"I remember just like, 'Oh my gosh,' like I didn't even know what to do. I was like, 'Do I look, do I not,' and it was like the scariest moment in my life because my parents actually never fully gave me the birds and the bees conversation. I didn't know what was going on."
Amapola said her exposure led to an addiction to porn.
"The devil took this one literal like five-second moment and used this as a seed in my life of lust and opening doors to this, and so I began to be addicted to pornography. And I also struggled with masturbation," Amapola recounted.
"These were two things that I kept in the darkness for so many years. I remember feeling like it was literally these chains just dragging behind me everywhere I went. It prevented me from looking people fully in the eyes because when you carry sin and shame, it causes you to hide and to feel shame, just like Adam and Eve. And so, I didn't even want to look people in the eyes," she continued.
"I felt like it was just written on my forehead like I'm addicted to pornography and masturbation."
It wasn't until Amapola attended a youth camp called Youth for the Nations at Christ for the Nations church that she began to start addressing her addiction to porn.
"At one point in the service, someone comes up on stage, and they say, 'Hey, I just feel really compelled to do this. I feel compelled to do an altar call.' And he said, 'I feel like there's people in here that have been carrying a secret for too long. And it's something that you need to release, and you're going to break free of that tonight.' He's like, 'If that's you, I want you to come forward and no longer hide. Bring it into the light,'" Amapola recalled.
"I was like, 'I'm just going to do it. So I just break free out of the chairs. And I start pushing past all these people. I run down to the front. … And I get down to the front … I'm just like, 'I have to confess this.' And there's people up there, and I tell her, and I think it's like the scariest thing I've ever done. She doesn't even blink. She doesn't even react. She's not even like: 'How dare you,' like you think that they're going to say [this]. She's like, amazing. 'Thank you for telling me. You know what? God's going to set you free tonight,'" she added.
"She begins to pray this powerful prayer over me. I confessed it. I literally said: 'Pornography masturbation, you have no hold over me.' And I said it over and over and over. And I kid you not, from that day, that desire left. I mean, by the grace of God, it left me, and it never came back, specifically pornography."
Huff and Amapola said that one of the most crucial things someone can do for those who confess to having struggles with pornography is respond to them with mercy and grace and a verse from Romans 8: "There therefore is no condemnation for those who are found in Christ's Jesus."
"I would say I never went back [to porn], and I just praise God for just giving me the ability to confess that sin. … In confession, you find freedom. When you are vulnerable, you're honest. You have accountability, consistency, confession. Those are five ways you will stay free and so that moment marks my life forever. It's a moment where I'm like, 'I could never deny God because I know He's so real from that moment," Amapola said.
"I think so many times the fear of confession is that you're going to be met with a lack of empathy, with judgment, with more shame than you already feel. And that is a really scary thing. It's a very vulnerable thing because if you do confess and you aren't met with that love and the no condemnation, then it can cause a deeper hole," Huff added.
Nicole VanDyke is a reporter for The Christian Post.
