Survivor of Rape, Incest Shares How Church Can Come Alongside Those Sexually Abused
April is National Sexual Assault Awareness month, as well as National Child Abuse Prevention month — and Shannon Deitz, abuse survivor and founder of Hopeful Hearts Ministry, is using the opportunity to raise awareness and offer a voice for survivors.
"This is a huge problem that we're living every day," Dietz told The Christian Post. "This is not a 'fix it and it's done' problem. It's something that affects our everyday life, our interactions with others, and how we view God. When we get abused, we get covered by these lies that we're not good enough and that the shame is ours to carry. It's about releasing those lies and saying, 'I am worthy, I am God's child, I have a right to be treated as a holy, good and perfect creation."
The Church, she said, should be the first place bringing hope, healing, and a sense of God's heart to those who are broken.
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"We need to say, 'I understand what you've been through, and that in no way defines who you are or how God sees you, His heart is broken for you,'" she said. "We need to say, 'How can I help you heal? How can I come alongside you? I am so sorry and I'm here for you, whatever you need.' With God's help, we need to help survivors overcome the stigma of shame attached to abuse."
Sexual violence, including child sexual abuse, indiscriminately affects all ages, genders, races, ethnicities, and economic backgrounds. Studies by David Finkelhor, Director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center, show that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys is a victim of child sexual abuse, and self-report studies indicate that 20 percent of adult females and 5-10 percent of adult males recall a childhood sexual assault or sexual abuse incident.
Dietz, herself a survivor of rape and incest, shares her story in her book Exposed: Inexcusable Me...Irreplaceable Him. In addition to providing hope for survivors of sexual abuse, Dietz offers a no-holds-barred accounting of her personal self-destructive journey and how, with God's help, she was able to triumph.
"I felt it was important to continue the story of what happens after someone's been abused," she said of her book. "I recognized that so many boundaries had been crossed by the abuse that I'd suffered as a child and through the rape I experienced in high school and college. I'd taken on so much of that anger and rage and brought it into my marriage. I had a hard time accepting the intimacy in marriage and didn't believe my husband could love me that closely and intimately."
It wasn't until a "moment of true conversion" that Dietz was able to surrender her heartbreak to God and be victorious over her past.
"I didn't want to be that person filled with rage," she said. "That's when things changed in my marriage. What happened to me doesn't define who I am, and today I'm able to thank God for every aspect of my life because He has brought good from it all."
Because of her experience, Dietz founded Hopeful Hearts Ministry, an organization that exists to help others understand their worth and realize their full potential while also providing programs that empower and serve to educate and improve the lives of those similarly victimized.
"I encourage sufferers of abuse to first, come forward and talk about it, whether it's a spouse or a best friend or a youth minister," she said. "Second, try to find the proper counseling. There are great tools for those [who] have been abused and also for those with loved ones who have been abused to get a better understanding of what they are suffering inside. Finally, start working on boundaries and start realizing those lies of the enemy."
Mostly, survivors of abuse simply need to realize they're not alone, Dietz said.
"We need to understand we're not somebody that is covered in shame and guilt — that's not ours to carry," she explained. "It's the person that has done the perpetrating; it's their guilt and shame. We need to help take that away from them. Oftentimes, we just need somebody to listen; we don't always need someone to have an answer."
While the majority of abuse sufferers are women and children, Dietz said that an increasing number of men have come forward in recent years — particularly amid the growing popularity of the #MeToo movement.
"My hope is that this hashtag can move into a great discussion about what it is we need to do to continue the healing process," she said. "We need to talk about what boundaries we need to set to make sure kids are strong, and help others going through abuse know their worth and ignore the lies of the enemy. There's so much work to be done, and the enemy will never stop working."
To learn more, visit www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com.
