What Happens When Normal Women Try to Become Superwomen
There's nothing quite like the comfort of knowing that you're not losing your mind. Or if you are, that you're not the only one.
I remember feeling this relief last year while doing research for a book. I'd come across the yearly survey from the American Psychological Association that "measures attitudes and perceptions of stress among the general public." According to the report, women report higher levels of stress than men, as well as higher rates of stress than previous generations. As I reviewed the data, I saw my life laid bare via percentages, graphs, and color-coded pie charts.
As an author, pastor's wife, and mother to three active kids, my day has very little margin. I regularly feel overwhelmed, overworked, and underappreciated. My husband, on the other hand, seems to move effortlessly through his day. The difference is most obvious at bedtime. He lays his head on the pillow and drifts off to sleep; I toss and turn, worrying about all the things I failed to do. I calculate the number of calories I've consumed, try to remember whether I emailed my editor back, and wonder if the rash on my 10-year-old's chest is simply a reaction to seasonal allergies. No use waiting until morning; I get up to google it.
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The combination of busy days and sleepless night left me increasingly anxious, cranky, and concerned about my mental state. Turns out, I'm in good company. And while the APA survey does not explain why women like me report higher levels of stress, I have a theory: a lot of us are trying to be superheroes when we're only human.
Limitless?
Last month, two pictures came through my social media feed. The first was of a female physician tending to a player on the sidelines of a football game. Not only was she obviously pregnant, she also had a toddler strapped to her back. The second was similar, capturing a young mom juggling a bottle and a camera with a massive telescopic lens. She also had children strapped to her body, front and back.
At one level, we cheer the sheer tenacity of these images. They capture a certain determination, the strength to overcome challenges, to do whatever it takes to get the job done. But on another, these kinds of images — like images of flawless, sculpted female bodies — have the potential to set a level of expectation that is simply unattainable for most women. Suddenly being superhuman has become the new normal.
Part of the problem is that women have been told that we can "do it all" — or at the very least, that we should try. For women living in the digital age, the pressure is even greater. Social media invites us to become our own paparazzi, to showcase our successes. When our newsfeeds flood with image after perfect image, we naturally feel the need to keep up with the women around us. But what happens when we don't have successes to show off? What happens when the success of the day was keeping the children alive and fed?
What happens is that normal women begin to believe that they must become superwomen. But what we don't realize is that becoming superwomen often comes at the price of our mental, spiritual, and emotional health.
Come, Find Rest
In Matthew 11, Jesus invites people who are restless, tired, and overwhelmed to come to him. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest," he promises. But then he continues in an unexpected way : "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart."
We often think of humility as a heightened awareness of our faults, but humility is actually an awareness of our limitations. When Jesus invites us to learn from his humility, he's calling us to embrace the same human limits that he embraced when he came to earth. The need for food, sleep, exercise, relaxation — all of these things are a natural and good part of how God made us. But pride tells us that we can live beyond them. So we skip meals, skimp on sleep, and pack our daily schedules with more than any one person can achieve in a week. And we reap the stress and anxiety that comes from trying to be more and do more than God ever intended for us.
When we acknowledge that we can't do it all, God's power and greatness is magnified instead of our own. By honoring the limits of our humanity, we learn to depend on the Father just like Jesus did. And ultimately, if being human was good enough for the son of God, then being human — with all its limitations — is more than enough for His daughters as well.
