What to Do When Your Teen Lies About Dating
Also, please know that your daughter may go on the offense by saying you violated her privacy by reading her texts. Don't worry too much about this: all parents hear this line at some point or another! If you own the phone and pay for the wireless service, you have every legal right to check the messages. But I think the right response isn't the legal one, but the love one. "Honey, I don't want to violate your privacy but I do need you to tell me the truth. If you lie to me – you are giving up your right to privacy…"
It won't be an easy conversation, but take courage. Your correction will point her to the right path and will show her how much you love her (even if she won't admit it outwardly) Sticking to your parental guns will yield wonderful fruit over time. But it does take time.
One more note, we were in a similar situation a few years back and my husband decided to show up at the ice cream event where our teenager was meeting someone without our permission. Our teen was flabbergasted but it ended up being a great way to show our kids that the "truth will out." And indeed it will.
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DAD SAYS: Families that lie to each other will not stay united for very long. Our kids know this intuitively, but it is important to make NO LYING a basic principle in your family. Like one of the Ten Commandments, this should be an ironclad rule in your home. It should be something you make clear for the whole family at the dinner table, at family devotions and by your own example. If you start early your kids will clearly understand this when they become teens. Unfortunately, given the culture we live in, as teens they will almost certainly lie anyway. When they do, you must confront them in love – teaching them (as with all discipline) that their actions have consequences.
Bad actions (like lying) must have negative consequences (like being grounded or losing privileges like using the car or being able to stay out past 10pm). But it is also important to demonstrate that good actions have good consequences. So try to catch your kids doing good things (like telling the truth in a tough situation) and reward them for it. Even just verbal affirmation can be a powerful reward: "Sweetheart: I know other teenage girls might have lied to get out of telling Dad that painful truth. But I am so proud of you for telling me the truth. Telling the truth is one of the things that keeps our family together – so thank you very, very much."
And yes, do be sure to ask God to show you the truth about your kids. We must be students of our kids – and we dads cannot do that if we are spending 80 hours a week at the office. If we pay attention He will show us things about our kids that we might otherwise miss. It's yet another way our Heavenly Father helps us to be very best Dads (and Moms) we can be.
