What's the Christian way to deal with toxic people in your life?
'Looking out for number one' is so often a terrible mantra but sometimes it's wise to step back and let God deal with the people you can't.
Many Christians have this wrong idea that a Christ-follower has to be so accepting of other people that we would never stay away from them even if their presence in our lives is toxic and harmful; that we should always be there for them and help them see the light.
After all, we believe that God can change them, right? And maybe He'll use us for that purpose, right? Hmm, let's talk about that.
A wrong mindset
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I'm pretty sure there are many who consider the idea of staying away from certain people as rejecting them. To be honest, it's not. The Lord Jesus Christ commanded all His followers to be wise, and that includes dealing with certain people in our lives (see Matthew 10:16).
And for this article, I will talk about dealing with toxic people in your life.
What are toxic people?
Toxic people are the kind who are loaded down with various lusts and issues that they are either not dealing with or are using to in some way manipulate or control their relationship with you. They might appear good, kind, even "angelic," but you'll know by their fruits that they really aren't. Paul warns us about such people:
"But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power..." (2 Timothy 3:1-5)
These people possess in them the kind of character that Christians must not have. Befriending and spending time with such people becomes dangerous because "Bad company corrupts good morals" (see 1 Corinthians 15:33).
So, yes, we are called to be loving to all and do our best to be a witness, but Paul warns us there are actually some people we should distance ourselves from for our own sakes.
Do you know some people like this and are you thinking of ways to deal with them as a Christian? Here are some steps to consider:
1) Warn them of the consequences of sin
James encourages us, "Brothers, if any one of you strays from the truth and someone corrects him, let him know that he who converts the sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." (James 5:19-20) It still is a good thing to try to help turn toxic people away from the wrong they think is right.
Friends, try to prayerfully convince the toxic person of the dangers of sin (see Romans 6:23). These people are very much in need of grace just like us, and since we as Christians carry the hope of the world in us (see Colossians 1:27), we have the power to reach out to them.
Every person deserves a chance, so yes, do your best to reach out to them, especially if they belong to your family. However, if you've attempted many times to reach out to them and it's having no impact, it might be wise to consider distancing yourself while continuing to pray for them.
2) Turn away from them and their works
Next, be careful not to associate with their works. Paul warns us towards the end of 2 Timothy 3:5,
"...And from such people turn away!
It's not a sin to turn away from certain people, especially after you've done what you can to bring them to the light (see Matthew 10:14, 18:15-17). The Lord Jesus Himself, while reaching out to sinners like us, carefully stayed away from those who had a "form of godliness" but lived in ungodliness. Let's learn from that.
3) Don't hate them, but pray for them
Staying away from such people doesn't mean hating them or trying to hurt them. While we stay away to avoid being influenced, we keep praying for and hoping for their salvation in Christ. It's not a sin to keep yourself safe – it's actually a wise thing to do because the Bible also warns that we too can stumble while trying to save the immoral brother. If you don't have the spiritual strength necessary to deal with the toxic person, it can be in your own best interests to look after your own spiritual health first. As you step back and pray for that person, it gives God the opportunity to work in their lives and it may well be that a door opens for you to try again with them in the future when you or they are in a better position for you to do so.
