ZigOn Marriage (Part 2)
When husbands and wives, and particularly husbands, understand that (male/female) intelligences are different, that one is not bigger or better than the other, just different, the husband's intelligence and the wife's intelligence, when combined, create something exciting. Classic example: Husband comes home, brilliant idea, solves all their financial problems from here on in! In glowing terms he describes his brilliant idea. The wife patiently listens and the husband concludes with a confident question, "Well, what do you think about it?"
The wife, in most cases, is likely to say, "Well, I question it." Or, "I'm not certain that's right." The husband will probably say, "Well, why not?" She's likely to say, "Just because." Which, for a woman, is a logical answer. For men it's foolishness! But what she's really saying is, "I might not be able to articulate it at the moment, but my spirit tells me there is something wrong here." Now is the time to talk. Number one, it shows respect for the other's opinion as they listen, which is critical in this case. As they talk and listen it shows respect for each other's views. Out of that conversation frequently comes some serious discoveries. I've often said that the most underused resource in America is our mates. When you start talking and listening, out of an idea with some good points and some flaws will come some creative combination ideas that change a good idea with faults into a great idea with some different approaches that will bear much fruit. It starts with respecting each other and their opinions, recognizing the differences and using those differences.
The interesting thing is this approach also enhances the romantic aspects of the marriage relationship because each of us, male and female, want to be respected by our mates. As a matter of fact, it's my conviction that respect is necessary for a long-term, happy, joy-filled, successful marriage. In our marriage we both agree that the respect we have for each other and our viewpoints, our differences, is one of the reasons that after a rocky start when there were a number of adjustments to be made, we have been as close to problem-free in our relationship probably as any couple anywhere.
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The major reason for that, of course, is the fact that we are of the same faith. We are both Christians, each committed to Christ as our Lord. When you are on the same page there, it gives you a huge benefit and a huge opportunity to grow together and enjoy life together-not only here, but much of that's based on the realization that we will spend eternity together. That's very comforting and enhances again our lives here on earth.
It's important for husbands to understand that if they treat their wives like thoroughbreds they will never end up with nags, and for the wife to understand that if she treats her husband like a champ, the chances of her ending up with a chump are remote. When the husband understands that the wife resents it when he ignores her all day and then gives her his undivided attention at night, that does not set well with her. She wants to be courted on the front porch and in the front yard, in the living room, dining room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, back yard-even in the garage! She wants him to court her throughout the marriage as he did before they got married, as he was trying to make the sale and persuade her to walk the aisle with him.
Courtship is a lifetime opportunity! Real courtship actually begins after marriage.
As incredible as it sounds, after almost 60 years of marriage, I court that Redhead of mine more today than ever before. We're more in love than ever. We talk about more things than we ever have. We hang out together more. The Bible says, "The two shall become one," and that is exactly what happened. I find her to be the most beautiful woman I've ever met or seen.
The Bible says that that beauty is from within. Read the first chapter of First Peter and you'll discover where real beauty comes from!
Finally, husbands and wives, remember that each of you is an individual. You were wonderfully and fearfully made, created in God's own image. You have tremendous opportunities and responsibilities, because the way you treat each other is a major factor in how your children will treat their mates when they walk down the marriage aisle. You have a huge opportunity to teach them what love is and what faithfulness is all about.
