Former Porn Star Quits Industry After Getting a Message From God
God has the power to change lives, and former porn star Crissy Outlaw, 41, would be one of the first people to attest to this fact.
Outlaw had a troubled childhood that eventually led to her career in the adult film industry. Her parents were divorced, and she lived with her father who taught her the importance of sexual purity and abstaining from sex before marriage.
However, she was sexually abused by a neighbor. She could not understand why she was being molested. "Why is it so easy for people to touch my body? I couldn't make sense of it as a child. I thought it must be something about me that's making it happen. I didn't tell my father because I couldn't have a relationship with him, since he's hard to get along with," she shared with the Daily Mail.
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She eventually moved in with her mother and got pregnant at the age of 17. The man she planned to marry left her during her third trimester, so Outlaw resorted to abortion.
"I was fully awake and aware of everything going on during the abortion and my heart was shattered while the life was literally being sucked out of me,' she recalled. "It was awful....my school knew about my abortion and I lost all my friends. That was one of the most traumatic things that happened."
Outlaw fell into a deep depression after that, and sought fulfillment in relationships with men. Her despair led her to all the wrong men, especially one who was addicted to adult films. The guy raped her repeatedly and forced her to have several abortions.
"I never felt good enough for the men I dated," she confessed. "I didn't feel beautiful because they looked at porn during sex with me. I thought, am I not good enough for you that you can't only look at me? I felt worthless to the point that I chose porn and I said, 'One day I'm going to be one of the girls you watch on screen.'"
So Outlaw did just that. She posted her photo on a web page advertising for models, and she became an overnight success. From 2001 to 2006, she appeared in over 50 adult movies and was earning over $15,000 a month during the peak of her career.
She could have made "unlimited amounts of money," but Outlaw felt empty on the inside. One day, she found herself crying out to God.
"I fell to the ground and I said 'God, if you're real, I need you to tell me. I need a sign because everything I know about love isn't right. And I need to feel you in my life because I haven't felt you since I was 11 years old' and I stayed on the floor," she said.
The following day, Outlaw and her boyfriend visited a film set in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A topless photo of a crew member's wife was being passed around, but a man named Chris refused to look at it.
Outlaw talked to him and told him she was a porn star. Her boyfriend had even shared her nude photos with the crew. But the man simply asked her, "Do you know Jesus?"
She was surprised by his question. "I started crying when he asked me if I wanted to rededicate my life," she recalled. "I said yes. [After that], I didn't do any more shoots and stopped accepting any income from pornography."
Her life took a 360 degree turn after that. She took down her website, turned her back from her flourishing career, and consulted with a therapist. She also began attending a local church, and there, she met her future husband, Lawton Outlaw, who was a youth pastor at the time.
They got married in May 2013. The Outlaws are now travelling all over the country to share her testimony. "I made tons of mistakes but entering porn was one of the biggest ones," she said. "This mistake is out there forever but I've come to peace with myself and who God has made me to be."
Outlaw's life is the reason why XXX Church, an online ministry dedicated to helping people with porn and sex addictions, constantly hands out Bibles that say "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" during porn shows and conventions.
Rachel Ceballos wrote on their website that she loves sharing this good news with others because it's incredible how God makes personal connections with those who are feeling lost.
