Is Facebook Ruining Married Couples' Sex Lives? XXX Church Weighs In
Not every marriage enjoys a thriving sex life, and XXX Church, an online ministry dedicated to helping people with porn and sex addictions, seeks to help people understand why.
One of the biggest buzzkills of intimacy, according to the group, is social media. Pastor Craig Gross wrote on their website that a lot of men are done with Facebook, and would much rather connect with their wives instead of checking posts, likes, and shares.
"Words with Friends, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and all these other things have crept into our bedrooms and become a distraction," he wrote. "Now, guys are not immune to this problem – in my house it's ESPN and my 'girlfriend' (my wife's nickname for my laptop), so make an agreement that, after the kids go to bed, you put everything away and try and connect with each other."
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But that's not all that ruins couples' sex lives. Gross said insecurity plays a major factor, too. Men are visual creatures, he said, and if women don't put an effort to make the bedroom an "incredible place," then intimacy will get nowhere.
He suggested that couples put in a bit of effort to make each other feel loved and comfortable. Gross suggested that women temporarily ditch their flannel pants and that guys tell their wives just how much they adore them.
"Life happens — aging, pregnancy, illness, weight gain — you're not going to look the way you did when you two first met. Fortunately, the deeper we love someone, the less importance we place on the exterior and the more we focus on the interior," he said.
At the same time, Gross said personal "walls" are something husbands and wives need to understand about each other. When husbands do or say something stupid to upset their wives, her "walls" will inevitably go up.
In order to remedy this, Gross told husbands to pay attention to their wives. "Look for signals and ask. Don't avoid conflict because it is tough. Run towards resolution and get in the sack. The devil is laughing when us married folks sleep in separate beds," he said.
In the same vein, husbands can also put up their own "walls," probably because of depression or struggles with physical health or several other factors. Gross urged wives to look for signals about it and address the issue head-on.
"It may be hard, but it's worth it. Talk. Listen. Then listen some more. Own up to anything you might need to take responsibility for, and remember you're in this together," he said.
