Is It OK To Forgive Someone But Still Not Trust Them?
The Bible tells all of us Christians to be forgiving, quickly letting go of the offenses committed against us. But does that mean we should also quickly trust our offenders again, as quickly as we forgive them? Let's talk about that.
Forgiveness vs. trust
Jesus' discourse with Peter as recorded in Matthew 18:21-22 gives us solid foundation that we as Christians should be very forgiving:
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"Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.""
The Lord Jesus expects us to be very forgiving of the people who offend us. He wants us to be quick to release the offense, no matter how many times the offender keeps making offenses. However, does He expect us to be trusting of the people who offend us? That's a totally different thing, and to help explain it, let's go over another principle that drives our being a forgiving people: love.
Love that fuels forgiveness
In John 13:34-35, the Lord Jesus tells us that we should love one another.
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
Jesus wants us all to love one another. He desires that we would give to each other the kind of love that He gives to us, and this love will prove that we are indeed His followers.
His love for us is also what enables us to forgive those who hurt us. Christ forgave us even if we didn't deserve it, and so we should be forgiving as well.
But does being forgiving like He is mean trusting our offenders quickly? Of course not. Read what Jesus said to a woman caught in sin:
"Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." (see John 8:11)
Christ forgives indeed, but expects those whom He forgives to live a repentant life. John the Baptist calls this bearing "fruit worthy of repentance." (see Matthew 3:8)
What has that got to do with me trusting a person I forgive?
Friends, we are commanded to forgive, but we aren't commanded to trust. As Christ desires us to bear fruit in response to His forgiveness, we should also look for fruits in the person we have forgiven – that they would be truly sorry for the wrong they've done and show signs of change.
Until then, we're at liberty to either trust them or not. We're instructed to "be wise as serpents and harmless as doves" (see Matthew 10:16). It pays to be wise in dealing with people (see Matthew 10:17), refraining from trusting in someone when there's no proof of trustworthiness yet. If they do show signs of sincere repentance and change, then expressions of trust can be a powerful way of releasing that person to new life in Christ and the encouragement they need to keep making positive steps in the right direction.
Always remember, "He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much. And he who is dishonest in the least is dishonest also in much" (Luke 16:10).
