'I Just Found Out My Spouse Watches Porn': Hope For The Broken
So you just went through your spouse's computer and found a few tabs or history entries that shocked you. He or she has been watching porn. It may come as a shock. Feelings of hopelessness and treachery might have come. It probably even felt like you were never going to find hope again.
Sometimes we might think that such feelings are overreacting. Some can say porn is normal nowadays. It might be a norm to the world considering how easily accessible pornography is these days, but one thing for sure is that it's not normal in the eyes of God.
Treat porn for what it is- infidelity
Job 31:1 tells us, "I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin?" Yes, porn doesn't involve physical intimacy with someone else, but it breaks something of equal value- the covenant that God asks us to make with our eyes.
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Porn is what it is. It's sexual immorality that we commit to God and to our spouse whether present or future. Culture wants us to sugarcoat pornography and treat it as harmless, but even studies have shown how dangerous porn can become.
Live in the light of God's affirmation
The most common feelings a spouse who finds out his or her husband or wife watches porn is rejection. Yes, your spouse may have chosen to view someone else naked. You were rejected at some level. But in the midst of rejection by your spouse, we can find affirmation in knowing that God does not reject us as we draw near to Him.
Psalm 94:14 tells us, "For the LORD will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage." And in that affirmation, we can gain assurance that God's restorative can work in us.
Forgive
I cannot decide for you whether you will stay in a marriage after finding out your husband or wife has an inclination to porn. But one thing for sure is that forgiveness can and must come.
Does your spouse deserve it? Probably not. But remember that none of us deserve God's forgiveness either, but Christ through His finished work made it possible for us to receive forgiveness as well. Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Seek the help of others
Through ordeals like this it may feel like you are alone, but you are not. You have God with you. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us after all (Hebrews 13:5). And on top of that, God gives us communities that we can turn to in times of need. You don't have to do this alone. Find someone who can help you through this trial like a marriage counselor or pastor.
Your marriage doesn't just have to be you and your spouse. Get outside help and allow others to be multiple anchors for you to get through these trying times.
