20 really weird criticisms pastors receive

By Thom S. Rainer, Op-ed Contributor Friday, December 28, 2018

Pastor on stage holding Bible. | Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

Back by popular demand, here are the latest really weird criticisms pastors have received, with special thanks to the responses at Church Answers and on social media.

“You didn’t send me a thank you note for my thank you note.” Thank you.
“You are too happy!” I’ll make a point of being a total grump around you.
“I will leave the church if you don’t put tissue seat covers in the bathrooms!” Please flush on the way out.
“I would be happy to take your wife to the store to help her select some appropriate clothes.” Please do, but don’t return.
“I guess I have to die to get you to wear a suit and tie to church again.” The pastor did so the next Sunday. He’s waiting on the member to hold up his end of the deal.
“Every sermon you preach is better than the next one.” Thank you . . . no, wait.
“Why do we have to follow something an apostle wrote 2,000 years ago?” Yep, that Bible is overrated.
“The VBS hot dogs are too cheap.” What? We got them at LifeWay!
“You don’t tell enough jokes when you preach.” Yes, I do. I mentioned your name in my last sermon.
“You need to stop talking about making disciples.” Yes, that criticism came from an elder.
“When you changed the name from Sunday school to small groups, you took Jesus and the Bible out of the church!” I agree. Read Hezekiah 4:11.
“You didn’t give good advice about the family vacuum.” Now, that’s important.
“I heard you are going to cancel Christmas.” Yes, I consulted with the Grinch.
“I don’t like the color of your beard hair.” Thank you. I plan to dye it pink.
“Your hair color is too dark for someone in your profession.” Don’t worry. The more I hear from you, the grayer it gets.
“Just because it’s in the Bible, you don’t have to talk about it.” I try to be selective.
“Your wife used the wrong spoon in the coleslaw at the church social.” Thank you. She has agreed to be in timeout from church for one year.
“We need to throw out the guitar to the streets. The piano is the only instrument that belongs in the church.” Yep, that’s what the Apostle Paul said.
“You ended a sentence with a preposition in your sermon.” What is this criticism good for?
“Your pregnant wife is faking morning sickness.” I would be happy for you to watch her throw up.