Finding peace in anxiety-filled relationships
2020 gave all of us time to relive the story of our lives and especially the relationships of our lives that are broken. It caused us to take relational inventory. If you are anything like me, this created some incredible tension and anxiety inside of you regarding the lackluster of some of the relationships of your life.
Maybe you leaned in trying to make it better. Maybe you leaned out not knowing how to make it better. Maybe you are just stuck in the anxiety of the relationships of your life and you need help to discover how to live in God’s peace in the midst of the anxiety. The Apostle Paul gives us insight into how we can live in peace in the anxiety filled relationships of our lives.
Paul told the Philippians that if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete his joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind (Philippians 2:1-2).
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We all need some encouragement in the discouraging relationships of our lives.
Paul has our attention.
He tells the Philippians to, “Complete his joy.” What does it mean to complete his joy?
Paul is saying, “I am at peace and complete in joy when three things are true of those I am in relationship with.”
“You have the same mind,” meaning “You are living like Christ has told you to live.”
“You have the same love,” meaning, “Christ’s love should compel you to action like Christ.”
“You have full accord,” meaning, “You are letting go of divisive and disunifying relationships.”
He wants them to stop bickering about things in their life that they aren’t in control of. He wants them to take their hands off of it.
You and I won’t be as fatigued in our lives when we stop fighting battles Christ has not asked us to fight.
Some of us have relationships that are in proximity to our lives that drain the life out of us. They are our kryptonite. You must remember there are some battles God has not asked you to fight. He reminded Israel of this in 1 Kings 12:24 when God told them not to fight against their relatives.
Your mind may be saying to you, “But these relationships shouldn’t be this way.” But they are.
Paul talks to us about the battles we are to fight. He tells us in Philippians 2:3 to do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit.
When you and I enter with selfish ambition, we think others owe us for what we have done for them.
When we enter with conceit, we want them to change because of how bad their lives make our lives feel.
Instead of selfish ambition or conceit, we should enter in humbly not counting ourselves more significant than others (Philippians 2:3a).
But what does that mean?
It means you take your hands off of trying to force people to be someone for Christ they don’t want to be.
The humility of God says to humanity, “I give you permission to be who you want to be even if that is not who I want you to be.” Yes, they will experience judgment because of it and maybe even severe consequences, but what we don’t understand about love is that love stops trying to control the outcome of a destructive person’s life and we entrust them to Almighty God and trusts that He’s got them.
God wants us to stop trying to control other people’s lives and live ours.
God wants us to stop trying to make our lives matter by trying to get other people’s lives to be what we want them to be. Humility gives you the ability to be at peace in the relational tension of your life.
Paul tells us in Philippians 2:4 tolet each of us look not only to our own interests, but also to the interests of others.
This is good advice for we who are trying to get an outcome from someone else’s life that they don’t even want for their own life.
Stop trying to make the relationships in your life that matter so much to you “WORK” and go serve people whom Christ has called you to serve with no expectations of anything in return.
You know you have died to self when you stop serving people for your selfish gain and you serve them simply because Christ has called you to serve expecting nothing in return. Those are the relationships Christ wants you to find the most fulfillment in, those that can do nothing for you in return.
Jesus left heaven and came to earth to do that for us.
Paul tells us in Philippians 2:5-7, Jesus gave up his own interests and came here and served us even to the point of death, death on a cross. Peace comes when you let go of your selfish ambitions in relationships and you serve God’s purpose for your existence.
Jesus gave up equality with God to come here and be one of us. Think about that. Think about the selflessness and the humility that was required of Jesus to do this.
He emptied himself. He gave up His “rights” in His relationship with God the Father.
Are you bitter about the relationships you have had to give up for Christ?
Christ gave up equality with God for you? He gave up a perfect relationship with the Father to have a redemptive relationship with us.
What relationship do you need to let go of and give up for Him and go seek a redemptive relationship?
Yes, God wants us to look after our own interest as the verse says, but not at the expense of serving others who can’t repay us for what we do for them. And when you serve someone who can’t repay you in like manner, you become like Christ.
When we do this, God the Father will reward us for this like He did Christ.
God the Father will give you back everything you give up for Him, and MORE! Just ask Jesus!
Paul says in Philippians 2:9-12, one day every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is LORD, to the glory of God the Father. Even the unbelieving tongues. Even the condemning tongues.
One day God will silence the tongues that condemn you because you follow Him and His voice will reign louder than theirs as He confesses who you are in Him to the glory of Jesus!
Stop white-knuckling the human relationships of your life and get busy serving others for Jesus.
Remember, the peace of God will come when your purpose for Christ matters more to you than your selfish ambitions in the human relationships of your life.
Kelly Williams is co-founder and senior pastor of Vanguard Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. His books include: The Mystery of 23, Friend of Sinners and Real Marriage. He also maintains a blog.
