5 lessons from experiencing trauma
The holiday season is nearly upon us as decorations fill the stores and Christmas movies start airing on cable and streaming services. The anticipation for the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ fills many people’s hearts, while yet leaving others with a feeling of dread, anxiety and depression.
It’s only been in recent years that I have been able to enjoy the holiday season. As a child, I suffered tremendous trauma and abuse growing up in my family’s home. And the holidays were especially difficult.
As an adult, my journey toward healing was arduous yet redemptive. And, as a believer and a licensed clinical social worker, I can assure those who have also suffered trauma in their life, that there is hope for the future. You can find wholeness and the healing balm of Christ this holiday season. It’s to that point, that I want to share five things I learned from trauma recovery:
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1. The past is not the past when it shows up in the present. The first part (and probably the hardest) of my healing journey was to examine my past. I was triggered by various things. Even something as simple as sitting down to eat cooked carrots would trigger bad memories for me. In fact, my body responded to the traumatic memory as if it happened in the present.
Though it’s an arduous task, to heal from trauma, it’s important to examine and confront your past. You need to know where you have been so that you can enjoy the peace and freedom of where you are going.
Genesis 16:7-8 says, “The angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert; it was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. And he said, ‘Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?’”
2. Don’t go it alone: You need help from others. We were created to live in community, yet those who have experienced trauma or addiction gravitate toward isolation. Prior to my healing journey, I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas home alone, while my wife and daughter went to visit family. Isolation is NOT a part of the healing process. God created us to need one another. We are not meant to be islands, but rather functioning parts of a community.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
A big part of trauma healing is letting your defenses down and sharing your story with others. I know how hard it is to do this. I resisted telling my story, even when others in recovery were sharing theirs. But, as I truly started to see the need to share my story with trusted people in my group, the stranglehold of trauma began to loosen more every day.
3. You cannot have a relaxed mind without a relaxed body. There is no question that our mind and body communicate with each other. People who have experienced trauma are not only affected in their minds and emotions but in their bodies as well. Trauma creates a warzone in your body. I had to learn to regulate my emotions and to do that, I needed to have a relaxed body. Physical exercise, walks, playing with the dog, meditating, journaling, and praying all help relax your body which in turn, relaxes your mind.
To guide me along my healing path, God gave me this scripture of Psalm 46:10-11 which says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge” (NKJV).
4. Learning to deal with shame. It’s so important to remind yourself that you are not your trauma, rather, you are God's masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” The most important part of my healing journey was to turn back to God. Throughout my journey, God was working in me, pointing out areas of my life that needed healing. He not only welcomed me with open arms, but it was His love (and not my thoughts of judgment) that drew me to Him.
You are who God says you are. Who you are is not based on how you feel, what happened in your past, or the object of your trauma. You are created in His image. You are valued by the Lord. And yes, you are His masterpiece.
5. Recovery from trauma is not a procedure but rather a process. Restoration is a process, and it’s not always a straightforward process, but God is in the business of redeeming and restoring people’s lives. It’s okay to travel the road toward recovery. Though it’s a painful journey at times, it’s also a truly satisfying one.
Philippians 1:6 says, “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
As much as we wish it wasn’t so, whether it is being a victim of violence, various forms of abuse, the death of a loved one, or an overwhelming tragedy, Christians are not exempt from suffering trauma. But God is in the healing business, and His ability to restore a broken life is available to every man, woman, and child.
Make this holiday season different. Step out of the past and embark on your healing journey. It’s worth it. I went from seeing life as a monochrome, painful experience to a 64-color box of crayons! What a marvelous adventure, filled with joy and simple pleasures.
Josh McDowell, who graciously wrote the Foreword for my recent memoir, said,
“Mark’s experience is my experience. Though my childhood trauma and abuse left me with a lifetime of scars, it also did something else. It brought me to the God who loves me. And that changed my life and brought healing beyond measure. Whatever you’re going through, God has seen others, like Mark and I, through similar trauma to show you that if God can do it for them, he can do it now, for you.”
Mark M. McNear is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, maintaining a private practice in New Jersey. He has over thirty years of experience in clinical work. A graduate of Northeastern Bible College, New York University, and Oxford Graduate School, Dr. McNear just released his memoir, Finding My Words: A Ruthless Commitment to Healing Gently After Trauma, through Renown Publishing.
