Grandparents Day: Kids need an adult who's crazy about them
In 1979, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day. Louisa May Alcott wrote that “Every house needs a grandmother in it.”
You might say that grandparents are like an undervalued stock. It’s time to leverage their experience, put away our devices, and give them the honor that is due.
Psychologist Urie Bronfenbrenner, co-founder of the national Head Start program, said it well, “Every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her.”
It was years ago when my son, Ethan, leaned his bike against a familiar porch and rang the doorbell. It’s one of his frequent morning visits to his grandpa and grandma, otherwise known as Baba and Nana. For several days, I didn’t even know that my son Ethan was stopping by his grandparents on the way to school. “Don’t make a big deal of it,” my mom said. “I don’t want him to stop coming!”
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Ethan, who is the only boy in the family, knows he is the BEST grandson in the whole wide world. In his grandparents’ eyes, no other boy can match his intellect, integrity, piano playing, or athletic abilities (although my parents can still beat Ethan in ping pong).
It’s been several years since that first morning visit. Even though Ethan doesn’t bike to school because of the pandemic (he just logs onto the computer), he does still ride to his grandparents before school for a quick game of ping pong. My parents greet him, grinning happily underneath their masks and face shields.
Why would a teenager, a boy nonetheless, make the effort to visit his grandparents on a regular basis? The answer is rooted in relationship – and maybe the good snacks. When my father held Ethan as a baby, the bond was forged instantly. I’ve heard my dad tell others with great enthusiasm, “Just hours after birth, his eyes locked on to mine. I could tell he was very special and very smart!” This over-the-top sentiment is not unique. It’s shared by every grandparent who has ever pulled a dog-eared photograph out of a wallet or posted the latest picture of the grands on social media with pride.
Unfortunately, there are grandparents who don’t enjoy closeness with grandkids. It may be an issue of proximity but more likely, it’s the rise of screen time that has eroded relationships between generations. Who wants to play Scrabble with grandpa when Fortnite is an option? How can a mere mortal grandparent compete against the superhero of the toy kingdom – the tablet?
Kids are consumed with YouTube and video games, with many grandparents wondering if they are still relevant. Before iPhones and iPads, Urie Bronfenbrenner wrote rather prophetically, “The primary danger of the television screen lies not so much in the behavior it produces, although there is danger there, as in the behavior it prevents: the talks, the games, the family festivities…Turning on the television set can turn off the process that transforms children into people.”
More than ever, grandparents are needed to teach children empathy and life skills, and to believe in them with positive irrationality. No device can come close. Children must learn how to process emotions and get along with others. What better place to learn than Nana’s house?
Arlene Pellicane is the author of Grandparenting Screen Kids and Screen Kids, and the host of the Happy Home podcast.
