Let’s break the chains of sexual shame in the Church

By Heather Lawless, Op-ed contributor Sunday, July 14, 2024

In the realm of pro-life ministry, conversations we have on a regular basis often lead to uncomfortable territories, especially when it comes to matters of sexuality. As a new hire at a Christian nonprofit many years ago, I vividly recall a particular moment during a staff meeting when the topic of the “sexual exposure chart” arose. As I humorously remarked about my own past experiences exceeding the chart's limits, I was met with a chilling response from my boss: "We don’t talk about that."

The look of disgust on their faces and the abrupt dismissal of my attempt to bring levity to the discussion left me feeling ostracized and marked with a metaphorical scarlet letter. In that moment, I was confronted once again with the harsh reality of sexual shame deeply ingrained within the walls of the Church. I was shocked and saddened that even in this “Christian ministry” I wasn’t allowed to share about the pit God brought me out of, because it was “too bad.”

But as I reflect on my journey of redemption, I refuse to be silenced by the chains of shame that once bound me. I have a past marred by molestation, rape, sexual assault, promiscuity, affairs, and reckless choices that led to an STD and an unplanned pregnancy. All of this ultimately led me to redemption but could have also led to irreparable harm. Yet, through it all, I have found solace in the unwavering love and forgiveness of a God who saw beyond my mistakes and welcomed me back with open arms.

My worth, I have come to realize, is not defined by my past indiscretions or societal expectations. It is rooted in the unyielding grace of Jesus Christ, who stood by me in my darkest hours and rejoiced when I chose repentance and redemption.

I think we should be talking about these incredible stories of redemption instead of hiding from them. One of Jesus’ most profound deeds of forgiveness and redemption was of the woman caught in adultery. Her very public shame and sin were met with grace and love from Christ.

I run Reliance Ministries and Reliance Center and one of the driving forces behind the creation of these ministries was to provide a safe haven for women to shed the layers of shame and guilt that society and the Church had imposed upon them. It was envisioned as a space where broken, hurting, and scared women could find solace, trust, and genuine healing.

At Reliance, we strive to be a listening ear, a compassionate heart, and a light for those women who have been burdened by sexual shame and condemnation. Many are terrified of stepping foot inside a church, knowing they will be met with statements like “if you’d keep your legs closed, this wouldn’t have happened.” Or “what did you expect when you are meeting men on Tinder?”. Our mission is not to judge or condemn but to allow the gentle spirit of Jesus to convict and transform lives from within.

In this sanctuary of grace and understanding, women are encouraged to embark on the journey of redemption and wholeness. It is a place where stories of brokenness are met with empathy, where wounds are healed with compassion, and where the journey towards restoration begins.

It is time for the Church to break free from the shackles of silence and condemnation when it comes to matters of sexuality. We must create spaces where individuals can share their stories of brokenness and redemption without fear of judgment or rejection. Only through open dialogue, genuine compassion, and unwavering support can we truly embody the transformative love of Christ.

So, I urge you not to hide in the shadows of shame. Your story, no matter how messy or painful, has the power to inspire, to heal, and to bring about profound change. Embrace your journey and never underestimate the redemptive power of sharing your story with the world.

Let’s shatter the walls of sexual shame in the Church and pave the way for a future where truth, repentance, redemption, grace, acceptance, and love reign. Together, we can turn our scars into testimonies of God's boundless mercy and unfailing grace. Do not be silenced. Share your story, for in doing so, you may just set someone else free.

Heather Lawless is the founder and CEO of Reliance Ministries and Reliance Center in Lewiston, Idaho.