Sexual Assault in Washington and Hollywood: Normal Rules Do Apply
It has been a heartbreaking season to read about how we have raised another generation of #metoos as more women describe countless stories of sexual assault. You get the feeling that what we are uncovering is somehow the tip of the iceberg. The politicizing and defense of many of the accounts has been horrific. Raging across the aisle by men in power just makes it worse. Once again, the voice and pain of the women are silenced in favor of angry loud men. Once again, there are men using sexual assault as political gain, and I promise you most of the #metoos see right through it. It would be a step towards healing to come to a place where assault by men with power over women is not fodder for political gain, but as a crime where we honor and listen to the victims. Only then is it possible that we can start healing. I believe that Washington and Hollywood are learning what the Church had to come to understand the hard way; namely, that once one comes to believe your tribe is "special" and that normal rules don't apply, abuse is not only likely but inevitable.
After my father's death when I was five, I believe I was marked as vulnerable. It was in the sanctuary of my church the following spring that my journey as a #metoo by an elder in the church began. Decades later I can still remember what I was wearing, what I was eating, and what the color of the paint was in the upstairs room of the church. It is incredible to me that the scattered events of abuse that took place over a three-year period are etched in my mind permanently. While the abuse was scary and took decades to figure out what the lingering effects were, I know that in those events I was also forging a heart filled with courage and compassion. I have been praying for the #metoos as they begin that long journey of healing and letting go. I listen to their stories knowing that those terrifying and haunting moments are also hallowed. I heard one woman describe how for years she thought in her abuse God had abandoned her. Years later, she felt that God was there with her during the abuse but with his eyes closed so that she could keep her dignity. Her image of God near her with closed eyes is a powerful image of how we can feel connected even at the lowest moments. We are not abandoned in these violent events by love, nor are we destined to be undone by them. Instead, we can take our brokenness and use it to be more courageous. We can take the silence imposed on us by stronger, bigger people and turn it into a powerful voice for healing and advocacy. We can take our anxiety and let it bind us together as a community to keep our children safe.
At Thistle Farms where I have served alongside #metoos for 20 years, we have tried to be a place of healing for all. We are a healing place for survivors of trafficking, addiction and prostitution, as we provide housing, jobs, and therapy. But we also want to be a healing place for people who have wounded others through their sexual behaviors. For more than 15 years we have been hosting an eight-hour school for men caught soliciting. After years of this work, many of the #metoos in our community now have some compassion for the men who sought out illegal, unsafe and abusive sex and were caught. The men that come to the school are held accountable as we address the imperative need for them to change their behavior. But in that room, we also remember that there is enough brokenness and shame to go around for each of us. #metoo is not new. It's old news. But older and more powerful than even that news is #weare. As a community, #weare. We are a part of the story, a part of the reason there continues to be so much silence around sexual assault until years later, part of the reason we allow perpetrators to keep assaulting, and hopefully part of the healing process. Our desire to be a community and be a part of God's healing love means we can all recommit ourselves to become better at listening, respecting and look out for each other.
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Becca Stevens is an author, speaker, priest, social entrepreneur, and founder and president of Thistle Farms, the largest social enterprise in the U.S. run by survivors of prostitution, addiction, and trafficking in Nashville, Tennessee. Her new book Love Heals (Thomas Nelson, September 2017) reinforces her belief that love is the most powerful force for change in the world and provides powerful tips on combatting the hardships of life with the transformative healing properties love can provide. In 2016, Becca was named a CNN Hero of the Year, and in 2011 the White House named Becca a "Champion of Change" for her work against Sexual Assault. Visit www.beccastevens.org for more. Follow her on Twitter @RevBeccaStevens.
