Richard and Brittni De La Mora share marriage advice 'we wish we would have received'
Richard and Brittni De La Mora recently shared marriage advice they wish they would have received before tying the knot as part of their effort to help singles seeking to get married and those who are already engaged and headed down the aisle.
In response to questions they've received about marriage and sexual boundaries from people who are already wed and those desperately seeking a life partner, the couple addressed these issues and others in the Feb. 1 episode of their “Let’s Talk Purity” podcast on the Edifi Podcast Network.
Foremost, the De La Moras stressed the importance of preparing for marriage beyond the glitz and glam of the big day by addressing the spiritual issues of the heart.
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The couple advised Christian couples who are engaged or planning on becoming engaged to spend time evaluating their hearts, seeking premarital counseling, and unpacking issues and unresolved problems they don't want to carry over into their marriage.
“I think we overlook the big thing that we don't talk about. … Oftentimes, we prepare for the wedding, but we don't really prepare our heart for a marriage,” Richard De La Mora said.
“Make sure you spend time with your heart. Because anything that you don't address now, it will affect you in your marriage. You just can't sweep it under the rug.”
Richard De La Mora added that it's imperative for Christians to consider talking with pastors and spiritual leaders to receive premarital counseling.
“I'm not saying that you need to be perfect, … because nobody's perfect. We're going to have an issue here and there. … But the issue is, make sure you don't go into marriage with having big issues that you haven’t addressed and you haven't talked about,” he said.
The De La Mora’s said they both participated in premarital counseling together and fasted prior to their marital union.
“It was really pivotal in our relationship. Before we got married, we went on a fast. I don't remember the length, but we asked God and we prayed daily, ‘Lord, if there's anything in my heart or in my partner's heart, Lord, reveal it to us, because we want to heal from that now. We want to make sure that we know what we're getting into before we walk down the altar,’” Brittni De La Mora recalled.
“The Lord did reveal things," she said. "The Lord revealed that, for me, personally, I had a really deep-seated fear in me that was brought on by things in my past life and that fear was in the back of my mind, but God brought it to the forefront of my mind,” she continued.
“We were able to talk about it and process it and heal from that fear. He also showed me some things that I was battling with, [such as] anger. … It was a really healing time for us.”
Richard De La Mora added that, for him, the fast that he and Brittni did together before their wedding day revealed to him that he had an unhealthy fixation on receiving affirmation.
“I don't think that was fair for you, because I always had to be affirmed. ... And there's nothing wrong with giving your partner some affirmation. There's nothing wrong with telling your partner, ‘good job’ and ‘I love you.’ But there is something wrong if your need for affirmation is what gives you life,” Richard stressed.
“The reality is, … if I kept asking you for affirmation, and you didn't give it to me one day, I didn't want that to control my life to feel like, 'Oh, my wife doesn't love me.' But that was a deep-seated hurt that I never addressed in my upbringing,” he continued.
Brittni reiterated that fasting and premarital counseling are two key steps that she encourages anybody who is considering getting married to participate in.
“It was a really life-changing moment for us to have everything that was buried deep down inside of us, things that we have just swept under the rug,[come out in the open],” she said.
“We had no real revelation that these things were actually hindering our personal life, and if they're hindering your personal life, they will hinder your marriage life. Go on a fast. Ask God to really reveal these things to [you].”
Nicole Alcindor is a reporter for The Christian Post.
