'The Dating Manifesto' Author: Finding 'The One' Is 'Totally Bogus;' Not Settling Idea Is Misunderstanding
For many young adults a few generations ago, the path to marriage was as straight as Cupid's arrow: Guy meets girl, guy and girl date exclusively, guy and girl get married. However, many of today's young adults are taking a much more roundabout path down the aisle — if they even make the trip at all — and there's something wrong with that, says the new straight-talking guide on relationships, The Dating Manifesto.
In her debut title released in August, Lisa Anderson, director of young adults for Focus on the Family and host of the national radio program "The Boundless Show," debunks popular notions like "not settling" and waiting for "The One," as well as the fantasies portrayed in Hollywood — all of which she says have blurred the path to marriage for many young adults. She teaches singles how to circumvent these stumbling blocks and pursue marriage with purpose.
"A few generations ago, marriage was so normative," Anderson told The Christian Post. In fact, in 1960, 72 percent of all adults ages18 and older were married, according to a Pew Research study. By 2010, however, that figure had dropped to 51 percent.
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So why are fewer young adults tying the knot? According to Anderson, Hollywood's got a lot to do with it. She believes that the industry's narrow-minded projections of men and women have negatively influenced the thinking and dating habits of young singles.
"Guys, you're attracted to hotness," Anderson writes. " … But things get dicey when your Hollywood Romance Radar starts tracking the truly unattainable." So instead of dating perfectly good, attractive women, "A guy waits and waits … and waits … to date because what he's looking for, he's not finding. What's he looking for? He's looking for an ideal." A Hollywood ideal.
"…If physical attraction is a guy's common denominator and his standard of physical attraction is off the charts, he's gonna be single for a long time," Anderson writes.
Of course the cause for the marriage slump among young adults does not lay solely at the feet of men. Anderson details the role women play too. "I'm an equal opportunity offender," she says.
The author explains that some women forego good relationships because they don't want to "settle." As a result, many are "unwilling to date and marry perfectly normal, average guys," she writes.
While Anderson is all for having standards, she feels that the "not settling" thing has gone a little too far. She writes, "Of course God wants us to marry a great guy. Of course he wants us to find someone who loves us, treats us right, and maybe makes our heart beat a little faster … But while I'm all for understanding our worth in God's eyes, remember that we're not perfect prima donnas who deserve the best and nothing less. On the contrary, we're sinners who will someday marry other sinners. God has a plan for our future marriages, and it's not to fulfill all our dreams or give us a storybook ending."
