3 Things to give women on Mother’s Day in the midst of a pandemic

By Ginger McPherson, Op-Ed Contributor Saturday, May 09, 2020

Ginger McPherson is a college professor turned stay-at-home mom of three. She currently resides in Oklahoma where her husband serves as the Minister of Discipleship at First Baptist Church of Tulsa | (Courtesy of Ginger McPherson)

I don’t have a mother.

I used to. She was an extraordinarily godly woman who taught me to read, cheered at every tennis match, shared biblical wisdom (and her chunky sweaters), and scribbled inspiring words onto paper napkins before sliding them into my school lunchbox each morning. She was worthy of all the respect and honor one person can attribute to another.

Yet in my 20s, she slipped away. She lost her short battle with ALS before I ever had the chance to tell her — adult to adult — what a profound influence she’s had on me as a woman, a wife, a teacher, and now a mother myself.

Mother’s Day, therefore, comes each year with a twinge of sorrow. Grief stirs itself into the celebration like a batch of lumpy dough because, along with all the other influential women in my life, I wish I could commend her too.

But I can’t.

And since I can’t, I choose to honor her memory by sharing three things my mother and all the mothering women in our lives, biological or not, would love to receive. These things aren’t costly gifts, at least they don’t cost money. They aren’t limited by COVID-19 and the constraints of social distancing either, which many are still currently facing. What they are is the bestowing of human dignity. The giving of respect.

They’re love measured out in teaspoons of grace, and we’d all do well to pass them on to the women in our lives this Mother’s Day and every day after that too.

Value

In this tumultuous time of COVID-19 where routines and schedules have shifted immensely, our values have been shifting too. One value that will never shift, however, is how much a mother matters. She not only labors and delivers; she serves, protects, and provides. She is the epitome of the multi-tasker, taking on the roles of teacher, chef, referee, nurse, chauffer, maid, therapist, stylist, sometimes all in one day.

To acknowledge these various roles, to express gratitude in detail for the ways the women in our lives have sacrificially cared for us often means more than a bouquet of flowers. But to acknowledge who these women are, to take the time to recognize the strength, courage, and tenacity it takes to fill these many roles is where value is communicated.

Take time this Mother’s Day to say, “you matter.” Take time to recognize what women do as well as who they are. Strong yet gentle, emotional yet analytical. Funny, serious, graceful, brave, wise. Whatever character qualities allow these women to fulfill their various roles, celebrate those.

Validation

We are bombarded every day by decisions. We must make thousands if not millions of them, and women are especially prone to the decision-making pressures that unrealistic societal stigmas and self-doubt can easily bring. The solution to this is validation.

We need to validate the choices the influential women in our lives have made. A working mother, a stay-at-home mother. A married mother, a single mother. Most women are making the best decisions they know how to ensure the best possible outcomes for their children. Validating those decisions when they have deeply and positively influenced us communicates love much more than a new set of potholders or gourmet box of chocolates.

Take time this Mother’s Day to validate women and their decision-making, both big and small. Acknowledge the difficulty with which their decisions have been pondered, deliberated, and executed. Offer reassurance in your appreciation, and you will be giving the gift of significance, a gift money could never buy.

Voice

We live in the information age. From news broadcasts to social media feeds, information comes faster and in greater quantities than it ever has before. It’s easy for anyone to get lost in it, to lose one’s own voice amidst the cacophony of all the other voices. Women are especially prone to this. To feeling unheard, unheeded.

Therefore, this Mother’s Day we would all do well to stop and listen. To take time to call, to Facetime, to Zoom, whatever it takes to hear the hearts of our mothers. Ask them to tell stories of their youth, to talk about their best seasons, their worst seasons of life, to share their dreams and aspirations for the future. What a gift it would be to simply listen. What importance it would convey to not just be grateful but to make space where even greater gratitude can flourish.

I wish I had more time to listen to my mother, especially now that I am a mother too. I wish I could ask her how to best roast a chicken, where to find those stylish yet affordable kids’ clothes, and when to discipline or let things go, but all I can do now is make sure I give all the other influential women in my life a genuine sense of value, validation, and a voice this Mother’s Day.

I think we’d all do well to do the same.

Ginger McPherson is a college professor turned stay-at-home mom of three. She has a Ph.D. in English from Baylor University. She is also a pastor's wife, Bible teacher, and devotional writer at https://www.glmcpherson.com/ She currently resides in Oklahoma where her husband serves as the Minister of Discipleship at First Baptist Church of Tulsa.