Does God want you dead?
It seems like every time we turn on the news, we see anxiety-inducing tragedies. From the horrific loss of Kobe Bryant and his daughter recently to the spreading panic of the coronavirus, it seems like something is out to get us. When faced with the encroaching darkness, some even wonder if there’s Someone who is trying to wipe us off the planet.
I’m certainly no stranger to this feeling. As a young woman trapped in an abusive marriage, I was sure God wanted me dead. I lived in constant fear that God would strike me down at any moment. I hardly left my home, isolating myself in my misery.
You see, I had made some mistakes in my youth, turning my back on my Christian upbringing and willfully entering into a sinful relationship with my high school sweetheart. Fast-forward a few years, and I was married to that same man, who turned out to be a horrific abuser. I was sure God was punishing me for my sin and that His ultimate plan was to kill me.
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So when we face tragedy, frightening disease, or even abuse, does God want us dead? Of course not.
When I chose to walk away from God to choose my own path, I removed myself from communication with Him, therefore allowing Satan to use my external circumstances to warp the truth of God’s love for me. I had closed the door to God and accidentally opened the door to evil.
Satan used my fear and the brainwashing that takes place in abuse, and pointed it toward God. God never wanted me dead, but Satan did. And while I wallowed in my misery, God was patiently calling me back to Him.
Maybe you’re facing fear of death or wondering if God really cares for you. It’s hard not to think about death when the world is so rife with suffering. But I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to fear it.
One night, I was so convinced that God wanted me to die that I was considering taking my own life. I just couldn’t go on in my fear of my husband and of the Almighty. That night, God spoke to me, pointing me to Proverbs 16:31, “Long life is the reward of the righteous.” He spoke to my spirit, telling me he didn’t just want me to live, but to live abundantly, and invited me into a relationship with Him.
The next day and every day after, I felt peace and safety. Nothing in my external circumstance had changed. I was still trapped in a severely abusive relationship, and would not escape for months afterward. But my internal circumstances had changed. I knew God’s love for me, and I was not afraid any more.
We all face uncertain times. Like Kobe Bryant, we don’t know the date of our death. We could contract a disease. You might be facing your own secret battle, like I was. But don’t let your external circumstances speak for God. Listen for His voice, and rest assured in his love for you. We have nothing to fear from God when we turn to Him.
Autumn Miles is a Christian speaker, host of “The Autumn Miles Show” on Salem Radio Network, and CEO of Autumn Miles Ministries. She is the author of three books, including “Gangster Prayer” released by Hachette Book Group. For more information, visit www.autumnmiles.com.
